Judging Other People's "Conditions"

Don Miguel Ruiz Jr spoke at my church this morning.  He was excellent, deep and a fascinating speaker.  Much of what he said resonated with me.  I loved this on judging, especially.  He said that when we judge someone we are evaluating them for conditions that they never agreed to. 

What that means is that, we have created "opinions" and "beliefs" in our mind which are the conditions.  Our conditions are not necessarily someone elses conditions.   And yet, we look at others and judge them by our conditions.

We all have free will.  We are free to decide which experiences we want to have and which ones we don't want.

If we look at our lives here like a trip to Disneyland we can see that not everyone wants to ride on Space Mountain.  It's too fast for some people.  Some people just want to do the River Boat Cruise. They like slow.  They want to take their time and enjoy the sunshine.  It's dark in Space Mountain and the lights flash by in a jarring way.  On the River Boat Cruise you can listen to the sounds of birds in the trees.  You can watch the patterns the boat makes in the water as it passes through.

Who's right?  Is it the guy that likes fast, dark and scary Space Mountain or is it the one who prefers sunny, slow and peaceful River boating?

Of course, there's no right and wrong here.  We all get to choose our own adventure.  That's why we're here.  We choose an adventure and we learn some things along the way.  Our pathway and our learning is our pathway alone and no one elses.  We're all heading toward the same ultimate place, but how we get there is determined by each of us individually with our own free will.

Let's not judge anyone else's choices.  If they want to be the loud one, or the hairy one or the stubborn one, or the beautiful one or the deep thinking one, just let them be.  They never agreed to be a part of the group that thinks that beauty is important.  They never agreed to be a part of the group that loves to fight, or the group that likes living in the desert, or the group that wants to save the rain forest, or the group that thinks tattoos are cool.  Those aren't the conditions they adhere to.

They are learning just as we are.  Let's not judge what they choose to learn or how, where and when they do it.

What can we possibly know about why someone else chooses what they choose?  

It is when we begin to see that underneath, in mind, we're all the same anyway.  Strip away the loud, the hairy, the beauty and all that's left is mind.  Or we're all just alive, as Don Miguel Ruiz Jr liked to call it.  In essence we are only that life, that energy, that thought, that creator and nothing more.

We are not our bodies, our stuff, our professions, our skin color or any of our preferences.  We are all merely spirit, love, Divine.  Just the Divine having a little adventure here on earth.

You do not Know the Forces Playing on Another

More on judging, from the "'I AM' Discourses":

"I tell you frankly, Beloved Students and individuals, there is not the slightest hope for you in heaven or earth so long as you persist in holding within your consciousness thoughts and feelings of criticism, condemnation, or hate of any description, and that includes mild dislike.

This leads us to the very vital point that you are concerned only with your own activity and your world.  It is not your province to judge another, for you do not know the forces playing upon another or conditions. You know only the angle that you see of it, and I tell you that if an individual should be entirely innocent of any intent to wrong another, the individuals who send criticism, condemnation or hate to such an one are doing worse than committing physical murder.  Why is this so?  Because thought and feeling are the only Creative Power, and while such thoughts and feelings may not touch or harm their objective, they must return and bring with them the conditions sent out by the individual who sent them forth--and always with accumulated energy.  

So after all, the one who holds vicious thoughts to another is in reality but destroying himself, his business and his affairs.  There is no possible way of averting it, except for the individual to awaken and consciously reverse the currents."  

Judging is the opposite of forgiveness.  When we forgive we "flip the switch" from fear (anger, upset, annoyance, hurt) to love.   This moment when we forgive and flip that switch is what is called the "holy instant" in A Course in Miracles.  It is the moment when the miracle occurs.

On the other hand, when we judge, we are flipping the switch back in the opposite direction.  We are switching back to fear.  We judge because we are filled with fears.  We feel threatened by our world in some way, and so we judge.  In many cases, we don't even know why we feel fear.  Often, it is coming from our sub-conscious minds.

We have two kinds of work to do if we want to stop the habit of judging.  First, we must be vigilant always in guarding and protecting our minds from any vicious and judgmental fear thoughts.   As A Course of Miracles says, "choose again".  It is always within our power to choose again when we find our minds filling with fear and judgment.  When we see that we are starting to judge, we can make another choice, the choice for love.  

Our second work is that we must ask ourselves important examining questions when we find ourselves judging. What is this fear I feel in this moment?  Where is it coming from?  Why do I feel so threatened by this person?  What in my past is causing this moment to flare up so large in my mind?  If we are judging it is because we are feeling "little".  Why?  What about this person and this event is so threatening to our own sense of safety?  As we examine our fears, we can forgive and release them.

Again, as it says in the "I AM" Discourses, "the one who holds vicious thoughts to another is in reality destroying himself".  This is why as we learn to stop the ugly, destructive habit of judging others and we begin to give out love instead, the world around us changes.  It becomes a place of peace, first in our minds, and then that peace begins to out-picture in our worlds.  And when peace comes, we begin to find our happiness.

St. Germain--the source of the "I AM" Discourses

  

Do you wish people well when they walk through the streets of your mind?

Or is your mind a mind field?

When you think of others, do you think with attack or love?

Is your mind a dangerous place for others?  If so, it is also a dangerous place for you.

What you give out, you get back.
If your mental habit is to attack and judge others, then...
you will be attacked and judged by others.

What are you offering to the world?
When your mind is a dangerous place, you are creating a world of fear.

When your mind holds love, you are creating a world of love.

Your thought is under your own dominion.
You choose your thoughts.
Don't let them choose you.
When attack thoughts come...
Choose again.  Make a choice for love.

Again and again.  Make another choice.
Create the habit of choosing love.  Always.
Let love and a better world be your legacy.

This is how you create happiness.
Happiness in the world around you.
And happiness in your own mind.

What to do When You Find Yourself Judging

"I judge you not.

I extend forgiveness to myself for what I have created.

I embrace you, and I love you.  I free you to be yourself.

I bless you with the blessing of Christ." 

--Way of Mastery p. 34

These are words we can say when we find ourselves judging.  And as we say them we can visualize the image of the event or person we've judged gently dissolving into white light until there is no trace left of it.  

Then we can turn all thoughts and memories of the event or person over to Spirit.  Our work is now done. If, at some point in the future, there is anything more we need to do or say or think about, Spirit will let us know.  Until then, we are free to enjoy the peace that forgiveness brings.

How Projection Works

Judging others initially makes us feel good because we project our own shortcomings and insecurities onto the people we're judging.  In this way, we get to feel superior.  Think of projection just like going to the movies.  The projector throws the images away from itself and onto a screen.  This is what we do with the parts of ourselves we don't like.  We project or throw them off onto others because doing so momentarily makes us feel "special" and better than everybody else.

Of course, in a short while, the guilt that we create in our sub-conscious minds from judging others significantly outweighs any slight pleasure that we received in the original moment of judging.

If this idea that you are actually judging others of your own shortcomings seems surprising or hard to believe to you (as it originally did to me), you will need to do some deep thinking and observing as to the things you judge others for.  If you judge others for being overweight, look into your own fears that you won't be accepted by others.  If you judge someone for being too critical, look at your own habits of criticizing.   If you judge someone for physically attacking another person, think of all the times when you would have loved to do the same.

Remember, It's not what we physically do in this 3D earthly world.  What's really important is what is in our minds.  That's where the real action is.  It's our thought patterns that we are working to clean up.  I assume that if you're reading this blog, you are not running around shooting people.  What I'm discussing here is a more advanced level of thinking (although I say this being careful not to judge others who are not yet at this higher mental place).

A judgement or attack thought against anyone should be as concerning to us as it would be if we had actually physically attacked them.  After all, all minds are joined and a mental attack is known to our attackee on a sub-conscious level.  Yes, I'm saying that when we judge others, they know it.

We think that judging others is a harmless habit.  However, it is a dangerous habit for three reasons.  First because what we give out we get back.  If we judge others, we will be judged.  Second, because judging prevents us from doing the purification work in our minds required for our awakening.  It creates mental blocks in our mind.  And third because it is damaging to the people we judge.

I love the following section on judging in The Way of Mastery.  It shows how we all not only participate in judging but have created an elaborate system which is designed to do the judging for us so that we don't have to feel the guilt.  This is projection on a societal scale.

"In fact, the legal system means merely to take the act of projection and the need to judge and to make it okay socially, so that you need not be concerned with this other as your brother or as your sister who has been crying out for help.  Rather, you become justified in punishment.  Yet punishment is only the insane attempt to convince the punisher that the darkness, the evil--whatever you want to call it--is not in them, it is out there. 

Imagine a society in which the prevalent legal view is simply that your brother or your sister is an aspect of yourself.  And if you would help yourself, you must help them--meeting each cry for help and healing with forgiveness, love and support.  Can you imagine, for a moment, what it would be like to live in such a society?  How would it be different than the world you see?" --ps. 28-9

This is beautiful food for thought.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could one day start early to find our troubled children and create ways to forgive and nourish their souls so that they as adults they can feel loved and cherished in our society, instead of disenfranchised and angry?  In the meantime, we need to start this work on an individual level in our own minds.  As we heal our minds of the habit of judging, others around us become healed.

 Healing one's mind of the habit of judging is not something that happens over-night.  Habits are hard to break.  But it can be done.  Ask the Holy Spirit to help you to become aware each time you judge.  Then choose again.  Replace those judging thoughts with thoughts of kindness, loving understanding and forgiveness.  This is how we heal the world.

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The Judger Always Feels Judged

"The Judger Always Feels Judged."

I've had this statement taped to the inside of my medicine cabinet door for the past four years at least.  I'm not sure where I found it, perhaps it's from A Course in Miracles.

Regardless, it is an important reminder each day that what we give out is returned to us.  If I mentally criticize others on a regular basis, I know that I will feel like the world around me is watching me with disapproving eyes.

On the other hand, if I go about my day looking for the best aspects of everyone I meet, seeing them through eyes of love and overlooking shortcomings, I will be supported, valued and cherished by the world around me.

I once attended a seminar with Stuart Mooney, a self acclaimed American Buddha, who says he is enlightened.  I love what he had to say about the people in his world, "I just love everyone I see.  To me they are just so lovable, even the unpleasant ones."  Isn't this is a perfect way to put it?

Of course, not everyone out there is making the best choices.  When I say overlooking shortcomings, it's not that we don't always see another's "unpleasantness", but that we do learn to accept it as what is.  It's our job to respect everyone's right to their own adventures in this world.  If they choose to be difficult or misled, we have to just chalk it up to the fact that they simply don't know better and they're doing whatever it is they think they need to do to make the best of this life.  As Course students, we often say that we all either living love or crying out for love.

A Course in Miracles says that "we don't know what anything is for."  Therefore it's important not to judge what we see around us.  Since we are all here to get our forgiveness lessons so that we can grow and purify ourselves--until we eventually awaken, it is quite necessary that we have forgiveness opportunities.  That means someone has to play the bad guy so that there will be something to forgive. The person that you love to hate just may be a soul who has come here in this lifetime with an agreement to be annoying so that you can have the opportunity to forgive him and grow.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that we allow murders and child molesters to roam freely harming others at will.  When people behave in a manner that is dangerous to others, we need to protect the innocents.  However, even criminals are deserving of our loving forgiveness.

 Healing one's mind of the habit of judging is not something that happens over-night, at least in my experience.  I've been working on it for some years now and although I've made a lot of progress, I still find my mind thinking critical thoughts occasionally.  It really is only a habit though and if you stop and notice it, over time it will lessen.

I think it's very important that we carefully watch television, listen to the radio, read the papers or browse the internet.  We need to making sure that we are not judging people that we don't actually know (or even judging characters in TV shows or movies).  Just because we don't know someone does not give us the license to judge them.  Remember that all minds are linked and on some level, you are attacking these people.  Also, this habitual indulgence of judging people and characters that "aren't real" will make it all the more difficult to stop the habit of judging the people that you actually know or meet up with.

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Let It Go

Here is the plain and simple truth...you can never be happy if you are judging and holding a grudge against someone else.  That is how this world works.  It's a universal law.  It just is.  

And yes, I know that it can seem scary to forgive.  It is the unknown pathway.  And we grasp on to our grudges and betrayals.  We cherish them...and nurture them...and our lives become all about them.  I know, I know.  I've been there.

The thing is, here's the truth.  Judgment and grudge-holding are the source of guilt in your life.  And guilt leads to separation from your Source.  

This is not happiness, this is life at it's smallest, most restricted and contracted.  It's not really what you want.  It's only what you think you want.  You simply don't know how to be otherwise.  No one has shown you a better way and a reason to follow it.  

But here it is, right now, right here...  

If you let your judgments and grudges go, you will be happier.  That's it.  So very simple and yet so very big.  You can be a happier person.  Your life can be easier for you.  You can feel safe and cherished in this world.  You can feel trust that you are protected and loved.  You can experience inner peace.  It's all there for you and you just have to do one simple thing...

Let it go.  

Repeating again from yesterday's post, because it bears repeating:

All this is so much bigger than holding onto that miserable pain-inducing, tight-fisted, life-long grudge against that most annoying someone in your life.  This is huge.  This is everything.  Do you see that?  Let it go.  Let it go.  LET IT GO.  Choose to live a happy life.  Choose to know your real truth.  Choose to be so much more than the smallness you are living now.  Forgive and be happy.

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What Really Occurs When You Forgive?

I am preparing this week to lead a discussion group class on the third chapter from "The Way of Mastery".  The topic of this chapter is forgiveness.  I have read this chapter over and over, many many times in the past, but I find that each time I read it, I get new lessons.  This little section below jumped out at me this morning and I had to share it with you:

"What really occurs when you forgive?

You are a conduit of energy.  To the degree that the conduit is in working order, the energy can flow so radiantly that the conduit actually becomes transparent.  That is, it no longer blocks.  There is no barrier or limit to the Light.  

When you judge, it is as though you contracted and made the walls of the conduit smaller, just like building up rust in your pipes.  And the flow becomes less and less.

As you forgive judgments, it is as though the rust in the pipes is dissolving.  It is as though the walls of the pipe that are carrying the liquid of God's Love begin to expand and become thinner and thinner and more transparent.

Judgment is contraction.

Forgiveness is relaxation, peace, trust and faith." --Way of Mastery p. 33  

I really do feel this.  When I am in a state of un-forgiveness or judgment, I feel a tightness in my chest, a density to my physical body, a heaviness.  However, after I forgive, I feel light, happy, comfortable and easy in both my body and mind.  And the more I work at forgiveness, the more I experience this.

I experience the most happiness when I am doing the most forgiveness work.  When I am truly practicing what I call a "forgiveness lifestyle", I find that I almost feel like I am walking on air.

A "forgiveness lifestyle" means that every night before I go to sleep I scan my mind to see if there is anything that happened that day that I can forgive. This is what I call forgiving the present  (see here for more).

It also means that I am constantly alert to the workings of my mind, looking to see if any old memories of hurt, anger or upset rise to the surface.  When I do, I forgive and release them (using techniques you can find in my book, "Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness").  This is forgiving the past (see here for more).

It also means that I am constantly thinking, ruminating if you will, looking deep into my mind in search of the false beliefs I have created in my mind as a result of these past memories.  False beliefs are beliefs such as:  "I'm not worthy." "I'm not love-able."  "I don't deserve to have good in my life."  "I am a bad girl."  "I am stupid."  "Nobody likes me."  "I am ugly."  "I am poor."  "I am sick."  (see here for more on understanding and forgiving false beliefs).

There are many more false beliefs but these are a few key examples.  If we are to really and truly forgive ourselves, we need to dig up these false beliefs and root them out of our minds with our forgiveness.  This is self-forgiveness, of course.

Forgiveness is mental and physical freedom.  It opens the door to inner peace.  Without it, we simple can not have peace.  However, with it comes the peace that leads to true happiness.

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It Takes One to Know One

"There is nothing you can be aware of in the energy of another that you have not known in yourself.  There is nothing another can say or do, or even imagine themselves capable of saying or doing that you have not also known.  Again it takes one to know one.  When you perceive another acting out of hostility or fear, the only way you can recognize it is because you have been there."  --Way of Mastery p. 27

Some people just push our buttons.  That's how we like to think of it.  But what is really happening when we feel activated by the behaviors and attitudes of others?

When others annoy or irritate us, we feel that way because we are actually annoyed or irritated at the parts of ourselves we recognize in them.   Say, perhaps, we watch another person acting selfishly.  We identify their behavior as selfishness.  We are judging them for behaving badly.  However, the only reason we know what that behavior is about is because we ourselves have known selfishness in our pasts.  Perhaps we are even occasionally selfish in our present, too.  This behavior repels us in ourselves and that is why we feel put off by it when we see it in others.

We like to judge others because that puts the blame outside of ourselves.  It gives us the perception that they are wrong, or bad, or too this or too that--but that we ourselves are good, right and perfect.  We project our own weaknesses onto the world outside of ourselves and this allows us to feel better about who we are.  However, this behavior is only contributing to our feelings of separation.  

Again, it takes one to know one.  Or as Colin Tipping likes to say, "If you spot it, you got it."  The next time you find yourself judging someone else, take a moment to look deeply into yourself.  Ask yourself, "Where in my own mind do these same attitudes exist?"  "Where in my life have I acted out in this same way?"

And then let your judgments go.  Release and forgive.  It's so much easier to forgive others when we see that they are merely doing the same things we do.  We're all human.  We all slip up.  We're each here, simply learning our lessons.  Give others the freedom and support to learn their lessons in their own way, in their own time and place, without our interference or judgment.  This is what they need.  This is what we need.


Switch from fear and anger to love, understanding and support.   Remember that as we forgive them, we are forgiving ourselves.  Yes, you heard me right.  When we forgive someone else for behaving selfishly, we are actually forgiving ourselves for our own selfish behavior.  This is why forgiveness is essential if we want to be happy.  We can only forgive ourselves as we forgive others.

 

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Solve One Problem...Get Another

The ego loves to keep us immersed in the "reality" of daily living.  It loves to create problems.  Problems distract us from noticing our separation from God.  If we weren't so busy solving all these pesky problems we might have more time to notice how insane this all is and start to pay more attention to solving our one real problem...that we need to get back to God.

(In previous postings, I've been talking about ego set ups.  There's the "I Can't Win No Matter What I Do", see here.  There's also "The Rug Got Pulled Out From Underneath Me", see here.)

One of the ways the ego keeps us wrapped up in worldly living and away from spiritual thinking is by giving us problems.  Lot's and lot's of problems.  In fact, we're never without problems.  If we solve a problem, not to worry, more will show up.  In fact, solve one...get two.  Problems are BIG and important!  They require our immediate attention, or they require ALL of our attention.  They are urgent.  They are critical.  They must be attended to or something TERRIBLE will happen!

Even worse are the never ending problems.  Most of us have at least one problem like this.  They stem from our false beliefs (for more on false beliefs, see here).  These are the kinds of problems that stick around...perhaps for a lifetime.  For some people, these kinds of problems have to do with money.  For others, with relationships, health or a lack of self worth.  We all know someone who has been sick with one illness after another practically from the moment they were born.  Or someone who can never seem to make a relationship stick.  There are also those people who self-destruct their lives on a regular basis because of their deep-seated false belief that they are not worthy, not love-able, and undeserving.

Okay, take a deep breath and let's look at the real "reality".  Problems are only perceptions.  There's nothing really wrong here.  We have air to breath and clothes to keep us warm.  The birds are singing and the sun still shines.  We have water to drink and food to eat.  Right now, right here, in this very moment, there are no problems here.  And in the next moment, and the next moment and the next moment.  There are no problems.  We are safe and we are loved by the divine.

We have the potential to fill our minds with love.  Or we can choose to indulge the ego and fill it with fear.

And since our thoughts are creative, when we fill our minds with fear thoughts, what are we creating in our lives?  Problems, of course!

So what are some good practical ways to end the perpetual problem cycle in our lives?

Well, first we can choose to cast out fear thoughts whenever we become aware of them.  This takes a great deal of strength of character and determination, but it can be done.  Thinking is habit and habits can be changed.  It is within our realm of power to insist on only allowing worthy thoughts in our minds.  And as our thoughts become cleansed, we create less chaos in our lives.  If we focus on loving thoughts and thoughts of gratitude, beautiful things show up in our lives.

The second way to reduce problems in our lives is to release the habit of judging others (see here, here and here.)  When we judge others, we are damaging ourselves.  We get what we give.  It's just how things work.  When we view others harshly, we view ourselves harshly too.  And that creates guilt down deep in our subconscious mind.  Even worse, when we have guilt, we believe that we should be punished.  And how do we punish ourselves?  Why, with problems, of course.

Just as with clearing our minds of fear thinking, ending the habit of judging is challenging.  It takes work and commitment, but it can be done!  Go cold turkey on judging today.  Just stop it.  (See here.)  Stop creating guilt and begin to create peace.

Finally, the third and most effective way to significantly reduce the problems in your life is through forgiveness.  Start by forgiving every problem you have in your present and every person that is even vaguely connected to these problems.  Once you've taken care of today's forgiveness needs, begin to systematically dig into your past and forgive all the hurts, wounds, anger and upset you have from your past problems.  (See here.)  And then go to work on forgiving your mental blocks and false beliefs  (see here.) Again, this may seem like a lot of work, and it is.  However, forgiveness dissipates problems.  As you forgive and release the world you have created, you will have fewer and fewer problems.

It's your choice to make.  Problems or happiness?

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It All Leads to Acceptance

"What if the very life you are living, and each and every experience that is coming to you now was being directly sent to you of your Father because your Father knows what is necessary to unravel within your consciousness to allow you to awaken?  What if the very things you are resisting are the very stepping stones to your homecoming?  What if you achieved a maturity along this pathway in which you were finally willing to let things be just as they are?" --The Way of Mastery p. 7

Is it possible that we could just trust the world we see around us, knowing that we don't know what anything is really for, that there is a larger plan unfurling in our lives, that everything that happens is for our higher good?

 

If we just could come to forgive our perceptions of this world, our interpretations, our labeling, our judgments.   We look at everything we see and we decide that it is good or bad, right or wrong, beautiful or ugly.  Why can't we just recognize that what we see simply just "is"?  For it is when we are finally able to accept what "is" as the way of things, that we are able to release the resistance.  And this is where the peace comes in.

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Who Are You Harming?

One who loves himself would never harm another. --Buddha

When we withhold forgiveness, we are harming others.

After all, if we carry grievances, they are based on judgments we make about others.   We are judging others to be "bad", or "mean", or "selfish", or "evil" or "wrong", or something similar.

Judgmental thoughts are attack thoughts.

Of course, we turn our "attacks" around in our heads.  We justify them.  We like to make ourselves out to be "right", "good" or "innocent".  We tell ourselves that we are the victim!  This is how we give ourselves permission to stay in a state of judgement.  "Go ahead and hold that grudge", we tell ourselves.  "We're the innocent victims here.  They are the evil perpetrator."

The issue is not who did what to whom.  It is, "Who are we all really, when we get deep down to the ultimate truth?"  We are all the same.  We are all Sons of God.  Each of us was created in the image of God. We are pure love.  And we are all One in our true home where we reside in the Mind of God.

When we see our very own personal truth, that we are really only love, we can begin to know our true value.  As we learn to value ourselves in our minds, we begin to love ourselves.  And it is only as we learn to love ourselves that we become capable of extending that love to others.  We can finally exchange our habit of judging, attacking and blaming others with the ability to look at everything that occurs with acceptance and love.

It's not that we condone behavior that upsets or wounds us, but we look beyond the earthly actions to the deeper truth.  Our trespasser is really only the same as us.  We are love and he is love, too.  And in this knowing comes acceptance and forgiveness.  When we forgive, we drop our attack thoughts and when we do so we are no longer harming our trespasser by holding them in a low place in our minds.

Importantly, as we release our trespasser we are also releasing ourselves from our own separation from love.  Returning to love is how we create inner peace in our lives.   

Are You Choosing Separation from Spirit?

Words from Jennifer Hadley:

"I’ve come to realize that all feelings of fear are the result of choosing separation from Spirit in some form or another. It always comes down to a judgment, an opinion.

The more I cultivate a pristine awareness, a release of all opinions and judgments, the more peaceful I feel. The more safe and secure I feel. The more I feel free to Love and be loved.

Fear is not caused by anything other than choosing to value a belief in separation from each other and from God.  Practice non-judgment and watch the peace emerge and the fear recede.

Don’t take my word for it.  Prove it.  When you choose to block Love from your heart and mind, you feel afraid.  When you choose to block Love from your heart and mind, you are cutting the communication with the ALL in ALL – and that’s why you feel afraid.

If you don’t enjoy feeling afraid, choose again." 

You can find more of Jennifer Hadley at: jenniferhadley.com/blog.

Judgments, Expectations and Behaviors of Wanting

I really love Colin Tipping's Radical Forgiveness forms and I have used many to forgive people and events from my past.  There is an entire chapter on Radical Forgiveness in my book, "Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness", and I recommend them in my forgiveness workshops.  (The forms are available for free at www.colintipping.com under "Free Stuff").

If you are a regular follower of this blog, you know that I often encourage readers to "flip the switch" from fear to love as a part of the forgiveness process.  Flipping the switch occurs the moment we stop judging and condemning and offer any sort of love, understanding or compassion to our trespasser.

In Colin Tipping's form he asks a number of questions that build upon each other culminating in the flipping of the switch.  One of the questions I love is this (substitute your trespasser's name for the X):

"My discontent was my signal that I was withholding love from myself and (X) by judging, holding expectations, wanting (X) to change, and seeing (X) as less than perfect. List the judgments, expectations and behaviors that indicate you were wanting (X) to change."

So often, our hurt and pain occurs when we want either someone in our lives, or the world around us to be a certain way.

When we dis-attach ourselves from expectations, wanting and emotional needs, then we are free to live in peace and joy.

We often create "needs" in our minds.  We might think, "I can't be happy if (X) doesn't love me." Or, "My life is a failure if I don't get a job with an important company."  Or, "I need to live in a beautiful house to be happy."  Or, "I need to be healthy to be happy."  All of these kinds of beliefs are just things we tell ourselves. Think about each of these statements above.  Are any of them really true?  Happiness and inner peace come from  releasing judgments and accepting whatever is.

When we create desired outcomes in our minds and get attached to them, we are only setting ourselves up for failure and misery.  In fact, attachments of any kind only set us up for pain.  Attachments to people, to places, to things are what create most of the pain in our lives.  When we just allow what is to be and accept the world around us as it is, we begin the process of creating inner peace in our minds.

There is a great big, beautiful, joyful world right here in front of us and in our minds.  And it is "what is".  There is plenty here to keep us satisfied if we will only flip the switch from fear to love and allow ourselves to see the truth around us.

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Withholding Love

On a quantum level, we are all joined.  All minds are joined.  That means that when we refuse to forgive someone, or when we judge someone, on a sub-conscious level, they know.

A while back I read about experiments with plants where love and praise was lavishly given or withheld.  In the studies, each family was given a plant and asked to keep it on their kitchen table where it would be seen frequently by all member of the family.  Half of the families were asked to praise and give love to the plants each time they entered the room.  "I love you.  You are beautiful.  You are magnificent.  You are a wonderful addition to our home."

The other families were asked to scold and ignore the plant.  "I hate you.  You are ugly.  Why are you even here?"

What happened?  The loved plants flourished and the despised plants died.  Yes, they DIED!

Let's talk for a moment about what happens to others when we either refuse to forgive or we forgive them (in tomorrow's post I will talk about what happens to ourselves).  If we choose to judge others harshly, they do suffer.  Everyone of us knows how it feels to be in someone's bad graces.  This suffering also happens on an unseen level.  Whether they know consciously that we are not forgiving them, they do know sub-consciously.  Remember that only a small part of our awareness is conscious.  The much bigger part of us is sub-conscious.  Just like the plants, any people we choose not to forgive will suffer.

On the other hand, when we choose to forgive, they heal.  Consciously, they may not know why, and we may not know why, but when we forgive others it changes them.  Forgiveness means focusing loving feelings towards others.  Love changes everything.

In The Hidden Messages of Water, Dr. Emoto proved that thoughts and feelings affect physical reality.  "By producing different focused intentions through written and spoken words and music and literally presenting it to the same water samples, the water appears to change its expression." --What the Bleep Do We Know?

Water Crystals Given Love and Gratitude

Water Crystals Played Heavy Metal Music

We may think that holding grievances is a harmless, neutral act, but it is not.  When we refuse to forgive, we are actually HARMING others.  

I really don't want to be that person.  I don't want to harm anyone, really, even annoying people.  I can see clearly that it is my job just get over it!  I must not allow myself to feel provoked, injured or even annoyed by anyone because I don't want to do harm.  

Join me in non-violent thought!

All Events Are Neutral

It is the spin we put on things that creates hurt and pain in our minds.  The one thing that we can control is our own thoughts.  We can choose how to view the events that transpire in our lives.

The insanity that you experience as your pain, your suffering, your seeking and your dramas comes only from your mistaken choice to become identified with what arises in the field of your awareness.  You, therefore, lose the sight of innocence. For all events are perfectly neutral, and you are free to see them any way you want. --The Way of Mastery p.4

No matter what happens in our lives we can choose to simply watch it unfold.  We can experience it without defining it as good or bad.  It just is. There is no need for us to decide that, "It is a terrible painful thing" and that, "Oh, it hurts so very, very badly!"

Our ego wants us to believe the insane spin it puts on everything in our worlds.  It judges everything it sees.  It will tell us that these judgments are its' important contribution to our lives, that they help us navigate the minefield of this world.  The ego wants us to believe that the world is a minefield and that without it, the ego, to guide us, we would forever be stepping on mines. The ego wants us to believe we need it.  However, the world is not a minefield, but a MIND-FIELD.  There are no mines.  There is only our perception of danger, difficulty and pain.  This comes from our egos.

When we allow ourselves to be with what is without judging it as right or wrong, or difficult or easy, or happy or sad, we are able to find peace with whatever is happening.  Nothing is as bad as we think it is!  When we drop our judgments about the world we find that things only just are.  It is all actually just fine.  And the more we think like this, the more we are at peace.  The more we experience peace, the happier we become.

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Quick...Name Five People You Know Of Who Are "Bad"

You can do it, can't you.  We can all do it.  We have everyone we know of somehow labelled in our minds.  We label some as beautiful, others as smart or successful, still others as happy and fun or serious and intellectual.  And, of course, there are those that are overweight, or depressed, or sick, or addicts, or lonely, or struggling with money.  Or, or, or...the list goes on.

Whether we have labelled people positively or negatively, it is all the same.  We have judged them.  We have decided their value based on some random criteria of our own makings.

"I am beginning to see that I don't have to judge and interpret the motives and behaviors of others.  There is no need to decide who are the good guys and who are the bad, who should be blamed and who should be punished.  I find it is truly "safe" to surrender the script written by me and trust in God's script."  --Gerald Jampolsky 

What would happen if we just let this entire system of judgments go?  Do we really need it at all?  After all, we have no idea what each of these people is ultimately experiencing.  We have no idea what lessons they are here for, what learning they are here to gather or what rights they may be attempting to wrong.

Each of these people was created by God.  Each one was created exactly in His own image. They are perfect, powerful and creative beings who are choosing to spend some time here on earth.  They are all so much more than we can see.

When we judge others, we are choosing to separate and diminish. When we accept others and love them regardless of who they appear to be here on earth, we are allowing the truth of God's existence to permeate our minds. We are knowing that we can only view a very small part of anyone's whole existence from our very limited viewpoint here on earth.  We are knowing that we are all God's creations, that we exist together with him, in His mind, and that we are all perfect and safe and free.  We are all really only love because God is only love and we are part of Him.

It's not easy to stop a lifelong habit of judgement.  I struggle with it every day.  But I am trying to let it go.  I hope you will think about joining me in this.  After all, if we never judge anyone, we will never have to forgive anyone.  When we release our minds from judging, the peace of God flows in.

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Being What She Is...

"Why what could she have done, being what she is?"--Yeats

I think it's important that when trying to forgive others, we always keep in mind what they are.  When people do things that scream idiocy in our minds, we need to take a moment and look at who they are.  Yes, their actions may seem so unbelievably, obviously insane from our perspective.  However we need to take a time-out from that very same perspective.  We need to pause and look at it in a different way, from their perspective.

Who are they, really?  What events from their past have informed their viewpoint on the world.  We all have mental blocks that keep us from seeing truth.  What are theirs?

An example of a mental block could be a belief that the things we want in life are always being taken from us. A person might believe this because this has been the way their lives have unfolded until now.  And, the more they believe something like this, the more they will see this very thing being played out in their lives. They will experience loss after loss.  If this were your life, would you perhaps grasp irrationally at things that others have.  After all, you need to grab hard to get anything in life if everything that you care about gets taken from you.  A person who believes in loss might take from others what is not theirs to take.

A few other mental blocks are beliefs such as:

• I am never good enough.
• I am not lovable.
• I am not worthy.
• I always get the smallest, worst, little bit.
• Nobody takes care of me.
• The world is out to get me.
• There is not enough to go around.
• I am ugly.
• I am stupid.
• I am always sick.

There are so many mental blocks that they are too numerous to mention, but you can see where these sorts of beliefs create all kinds of behavior patterns that are unhealthy.

When you find yourself in the pathway of someone else's unhealthy behavior, let yourself do a little mental switch up.  Take on your trespassers viewpoint for a few moments.  What are their deep fears and pains?  Why are they doing what they're doing?

You don't have to condone their actions or agree with them in any way.  I'm only asking you to step into their shoes for just a moment and just ask yourself the question, "Why?"

Once you see the situation from their perspective, remember that you have your own mental blocks and that sometimes they cause you to act out inappropriately.  Yes, you do.

Now, remember that we are all really the same.  We're all a bit of Spirit spending time on earth.  Everyone of us has been created by the Divine in its own image.  In our real reality, we are all perfect.  We are all only love.

This crazy earth creates situations in which some of us win and some of us lose.  It sets us against each other.  It teaches us to behave badly in order to protect ourselves.  Gary Renard loves to call this place "psycho planet" and what else would you call a place where pain, sadness, humiliation, illness, violence and war are all the norm?  But this is not who we really are.

We come from love.  We are going back to a place that is only love.  This is a brief little dream.  Let it go.  Know who you really are.  Know who everyone else here really is.   Choose the love that is the real truth of you.

Love Me For What I Am

I must be myself.  I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you.  If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier.  If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should.  I will not hide my tastes or aversions.  I will so trust that what is deep is holy, that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever inly rejoices me and the heart appoints.  --Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Self Reliance"

Love me for what I am and we shall be the happier.   Releasing all judgments and simply accepting what is creates peace in our minds.

Drop the habit of judging.  Just tell it to go.  Yes, habits are tough to break and it can take some time to change.  However, your intentions are everything.  Intend to see the world through eyes of acceptance.  Allowing others to be as they are is the key to your own peace.

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Jennifer Hadley's Words on Non-Judgement

I get Jennifer Hadley's daily emails and prayers in my inbox every morning.  She is so clear-headed about seeing the world only from love and I really admire that about her.  This morning she had this to say:

"One of my favorite lessons in A Course in Miracles is #68,  Love Holds No Grievances. I honestly think if you work this lesson for a whole year you’ll be totally transformed.This lesson tells us “It is as sure that those who hold grievances will forget who they are, as it is certain that those who forgive will remember.” 

Forgiveness can seem so difficult, but the key is to realize that forgiveness is non-judgment. If we stay in a dedication to practicing non-judgment then we actually will never have anything to forgive. Forgiveness is releasing attachment to the negative meaning we’ve made of things. It’s releasing the opinion. It’s mind opening and mind-liberating."

Non-judgement.  Can we stay in a place of non-judgement today?   Can we release our opinions and just accept whatever comes up in our lives?  When we do this we are at peace. When we learn to live like this, then forgiveness truly becomes our lifestyle and we become happy.

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