Sometimes We Dread Forgiving Certain People

Forgiveness is actually very easy, once you get the hang of it.  However, forgiveness does take getting past one hurdle and that is letting go of the pleasure we feel in our victim-hood.  Does that idea surprise you?  Well, it's true that we enjoy being victims and the evidence of that is simply that we choose to be victims.  We stubbornly hang on to our victim-hood.  We love to savor our anger and outrage.  We love to get into our pain and we love to feel put upon and abused.  Our hurt feeds the fire of our indignation.

It can sometimes be a big step to let all that go.

But like any big step, if you want to make progress, you just have to do it.

Remember what it was like, learning to put your head underwater for the first time?  You just held your nose and dunked.  You just did it, even though you may not have known what it would be like.  You just trusted that it would be good.

Sometimes, when we are thinking about forgiving someone that we believe is particularly heinous, the idea of forgiving feels very distasteful.  Now that I am in the habit of forgiving everything, I don't feel that way anymore, but I do clearly remember how unpleasant it once was to offer forgiveness to the few people in my life that I believed were villainous.  I don't know why we sometimes resist forgiving so strongly.  Maybe we just want to hang onto our feelings of superiority.  "He's a horrible person and that makes me a good person."  Perhaps that kind of thinking just makes us feel better.  It's hard to give it up.

My best advice, if you're feeling that way, is to just do it.  Just hold your nose and dive into the forgiveness.  It will be over before you know it and you'll feel totally different about it afterward. You just will.  Forgiveness makes everything better.

In my meditation class today, we did a simple meditation from the book "Aging as a Spiritual Practice" by Lewis Richmond.  I'd like to share it with you, because I think it might be a good little exercise to ease into forgiveness, especially if you have some unpleasant people that you're feeling reluctant to forgive.  Here it is:

Find a quiet place and spend a few minutes calming your mind and listening to your breath.  When you are ready, imagine a small intense orb of white light in your heart center.  "On each in-breath feel the breath coming in from the world and refreshing the sphere of light.  On each out-breath, feel the breath going back out into the world with that light's generous energy."  Continue with this for a minute or two, feeling the flow of white light out into the world around you, healing, cleansing, offering love. 

Now, imagine that there is a mirror image of yourself sitting opposite you.  Let the cleansed out-breaths of white light surround and permeate the image of yourself.  Then as you breathe in, imagine that all the troubles, problems, pains and emotional hurts float out from the image of yourself and into your real self, down into the white light in your heart center where they can be cleansed and consumed in the light.  You are purifying and healing all the troubles away. Then breath pure white loving light out and into the image of yourself.  Let your breath circle generosity to and from yourself.  Continue on with this for a short time until you feel that all the problems and pains have been transformed. 

Next, imagine that there is someone you love sitting opposite you and continue the healing and loving breathing with them until they are cleansed (this should happen in five or six breaths or so).  Then switch to another person you love. Do this for three or four people. 

Now...here comes the good part, and it should be fairly easy to do because you are now in a very loving place.  Switch the person sitting opposite you into someone you need to forgive.  Continue to breathe out the loving white light, flooding their image with kindness and healing.  Then breathe in all their pain and difficulties to your heart center where the white light can transform them into pure loving energy.  Do this until you feel you have cleansed and healed them.   

This is another good example of the action of "flipping the switch" in our minds from fear to love.  At first it can seems almost inconceivable that we could look on someone that we loathe with love.  However, once we teach our minds how to do it, it becomes very easy.  In some ways the mind is very trainable.

So if you're feeling fear, reluctance or righteousness about forgiving someone unpleasant in your life, take the plunge.  Have a forgiveness baptism.  The water's fine!

Available at:

Amazon.com

Barnesandnoble.com

The More You Give, the More You Have

Lesson 105 in the A Course in Miracles workbook presents a very nice little exercise in forgiveness.  It instructs us to think of our "enemies" a little while and tell each one, as he occurs to us:

   "My brother, peace and joy I offer you, 

That I may have God's peace and joy as mine."  

Remember that all minds are joined.  Even though consciously your "enemy" is not aware that you are offering forgiveness, on an unconscious level he knows.

In lesson 105, the concept of giving is discussed.  It is explained that there is a big difference in giving and receiving when we are talking about Godly gifts as opposed to earthly gifts.  Here in our earthly world, when we give something away it is gone to us.  For example, you have two cupcakes and two friends.  If you offer a cupcake to each of your two friends, there is no cupcake left for you.  

In God's world, however, giving Godly gifts works differently.  (God's gifts are higher concepts such as love, truth, beauty, happiness, peace.)  The more you give, the more you have:

"God's peace and joy are yours.  Today we will accept them, knowing they belong to us.  And we will try to understand these gifts increase as we receive them.  They are not like to the gifts the world can give, in which the giver loses as he gives the gifts, the taker is the richer by his loss.  Such are not gifts, but bargains made with guilt.  The truly given gift entails no loss. It is impossible that one can gain because another loses.  This implies a limit and an insufficiency."  

You will find the evidence of how this works is in the doing of this exercise.  If you take it seriously and go to a quiet place where you can still your mind for a few minutes by listening to your breath, you will find that your peace and joy truly does grow as you sincerely give it away to your trespassers.

Our math:  1-1=0 ... God's math 1-1= Infinity

This is one simple example of how forgiveness creates happiness in our lives.  When we embark on a large-scale forgiveness life-style, forgiving everything we can in our present, past and in the world around us, we are giving away our love all around us in our world and all the time.  What happens then?  Why, all this love comes right back to us multiplied.  Forgiveness is the key to happiness!

Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”--Luke 6:38 

Available at:

Amazon.com

Barnesandnoble.com

Don't Change the Subject

Unpleasant memories come upon us.  Sometimes it happens in our dreams.  We wake feeling troubled with past pain.  And sometimes something in our waking hours triggers a troubling thought and suddenly we're flooded with that same old aching wound. We've been here before...thousands of times.

The next time this happens, don't change the subject. These memories are returning to us over and over again because we are being given a chance to absolve them for once and for all.

Burn baby Burn. You can quickly burn through these memories and old hurts and once you do so, their pain will leave your mind permanently. They'll never again trigger intense emotional aching.

It's very simple to do.  Rather than chasing the painful thoughts from your mind, invite them in.  Let them become larger.  Intensify them.  Now move them into your heart area and ask for the heat.  Just watch now.  You'll actually start to feel the heat as the flames of your heart burn these memories to oblivion.  It doesn't take long, maybe ten or fifteen minutes.  Just keep digging up the memories and piling them onto the flames. Visualize the event in your past.  Remember as many details as you can.  Let yourself feel the pain you felt then, but feel it in your heart and let it burn up and leave you.  Find other similar memories if you have them and add them, too.  Get rid of the whole subject category in your mind!

Releasing old pain and forgiving the past is the pathway to happiness.  There are many forgiveness processes in my book, "Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness".  Some are simple like this one and some go deep into our minds to help us identify, understand and work through complicated or intense emotional wounds.  One of the processes will work on whatever is troubling you.

Yes, forgiveness takes a little effort, but the rewards are boundless.  Happiness?  Inner peace?  Yes, please!

Available at:

amazon.com

barnesandnoble.com

balboapress.com

Burn and Release

I stumbled across this video from The Daily Connoisseur.  She outlines a great little forgiveness process she calls Burn and Release which she learned about in "The Untethered Soul".  

I use a similar process to this for releasing deep hurts from the past called "feel the feelings".  You can learn about this process in my book, "Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness".  

Available at:

barnesandnoble.com

amazon.com

balboapress.com

Forgiving is Easier Than You Think

It really is.  It's just a change of habit.  It's a swapping out of old ways of thinking and a welcoming in of a new one.

Forgiveness is a lifestyle change.  And like any other lifestyle change it may seem strange and difficult, even overwhelming at first.  Not to worry.  It will get easier as you practice.  And once it's a habit, it WILL be easy.

You can do it.  You really can.

Just dive in where you are now.  Find someone who's irritating you and let it go.  Here's how.  Do it today.  Do it now!

Available at:

Barnesandnoble.com

Amazon.com

Balboapress.com

And for easy to use downloadable audio forgiveness processes:

When Forgiveness Seems Difficult

Yes, it's true...forgiveness can seem overwhelming when we're not in a regular forgiveness practice.  The first time we sit down and truly tackle forgiving someone, it can feel almost impossible.

That's happening for two reasons.  The first is that our ego loves to hold tight to our grudges, cherishing our wounds and flaming up the intensity of our pain.  The second reason is that we simply don't have the tools we need to forgive.

The first step is to use logic against the ego.  After all, it's actually very logical to forgive.  Holding grudges prevents us from experiencing happiness and inner peace.  We need to firmly tell our egos to get out of our way and to let us try forgiveness.

Baby steps.  Then, for our first time out of the box, let's just try a tiny forgiveness baby step.  Just sit quietly, with closed eyes and visualize that we are sending a huge stream of white light to our trespasser.  It's really that simple.  We are flipping the switch.  We're going from anger and resentment to love.  It may not feel like deep love yet, but we're making a very important step with our gift of white light.

And that's all it takes!  It's not necessary to call and make up with this person.  It's not necessary to apologize or take them out to lunch.  In fact, it's OK if we never see them again. We don't have to be friends with someone who has hurt us in the past.  But we do need to let our hurt feelings and anger release.   Just flip the switch from fear to love with the gift of white light and we will have made a great step forward in the act of forgiving.

It's likely that a few hours from now, or a few days from now, we'll find ourselves once again feeling annoyed or hurt and upset about this same person.  That's OK.  Just go back to using a little more white light whenever our thoughts go dark.  We are flipping the switch again from fear to love. Each time we forgive with our white light, the fear will be lessened.   And we'll keep sending white light until we have completely forgiven...because we know that a lifestyle of forgiveness leads to a life of happiness.

If you like this experience and would like to learn deeper forgiveness processes:

Available at:

barnesandnoble.com

amazon.com

balboapress.com

And if you would like to gently guided through a quick and easy to use but very effective process for forgiving someone, download "Forgive Someone NOW".  Only $2.99.

Forgiveness is Easier Than You Think

Yes, it actually is easy, once you get the hang of it.  In fact, it's not only easy, it's pleasurable!

However, easy forgiveness requires a shift in the way we view the world.  We have to stop thinking about the world from the same perspective we've seen it from all of our lives.  We have to let go of a world where "me" and "them" are two different things. 

In order to forgive easily, we need to see the world as a place where we are split off from our normal home in the Oneness of God.  We are here to learn some lessons and purify, but our real home is with God.  In our real home, we all live in perfect bliss, forever. 

When we come here to earth, it's set up so that we forget everything about our true reality.  Then we start to get all caught up in the illusions that make up our lives on earth.  We start to want things.  First we want toys and playmates, but later we want houses and cars and relationships.  We might want success, fame, power or glory.  Wanting these things can set us at odds with other people.  Often, one person wrestles these things away from someone else.  One of us wins, and one of us loses. 

When we lose, we can feel hurt, angry or fearful.  When we win, we feel guilty, although some of us are not aware of this in our every day consciousness.  Rest assured, however, that whenever we win at the expense of someone else, we create guilt deep in our sub-consciousness. We all have mountains of this guilt hidden deep in our minds and it is the source of our real anxiety, worry and fear.

In reality, we're all the same, each of us created exactly in God's image and loved infinitely by him.  God wants us to know this about each other.  The way we do this is through our forgiveness.

When we forgive, we drop our earthly view of the person we are forgiving and we see their higher truth.  We know them as God's beloved son.  We recognize that if God loves them unconditionally, then they are truly worthy of our love, too.

Of course, in the beginning, this is not always easy.  It takes practice to get good at this.  What happens, however, as we start to forgive others, is that we find that we feel so much better afterward.  Over time, we realize that we can feel better NOW, if we will only let it go, shift our perspective and see the higher truth of our trespasser.

Another benefit of forgiveness is that as we begin to forgive the people and the world around us, that horrible guilt that has been building up in our sub-consciousness is dissipated.  Over time, through our weeks, months and years of forgiveness, a significant release of this guilt occurs and we find our lives become peaceful and happy, even blissful. 

If you are just starting out with forgiveness, try this beautiful forgiveness process from Lesson 68 in the Workbook from A Course of Miracles.

As a beginner, I would recommend that you not start out with the most difficult forgiveness task in your life.  Rather, select the people who are only mildly annoying you, people who are not wreaking major damage to your life. Let's go for success and ease this first time out of the box!

"Think of the minor grievances you hold against those you like and even those you love.  It will quickly become apparent that there is no one against whom you do not cherish grievances of some sort.  This has left you alone in all the universe in your perception of yourself. 
 
Determine now to see all these people as friends.  Say to them all, thinking of each one in turn as you do so:

 

I would see you as my friend, that I may remember you are part of me and come to know myself. 

 

Think of yourself as completely at peace with everyone and everything, safe in a world that protects you and loves you, and that you love in return.  Try to feel safety surrounding you, hovering over you and holding you up.  Try to believe, that nothing can harm you in any way.  Tell yourself: 

 

Love holds no grievances.  When I let all my grievances go I will know I am perfectly safe." 

What about the people who do real damage to our lives...how do we forgive them? Obviously, serious injuries require serious forgiveness work. In my book, "Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness", there are many forgiveness processes explained. There is a process that works on any problem in your life. Rest assured, however, that even serious forgiveness work can become easy and pleasurable. And the rewards of living a steady forgiveness habit are simply too fabulous to pass up!

 

Available at:

 

barnesandnoble.com

amazon.com

balboapress.com

 

I Raise You and I Praise You

An easy forgiveness exercise for situations where it is easy to forgive...

                                                             I Raise You and I Praise You
                                                       I Raise You and I Praise You
                                                 I Raise You and I Praise You
                                           I Raise You and I Praise You
                                    I Raise You and I Praise You
                             I Raise You and I Praise You
                       I Raise You and I Praise You
                I Raise You and I Praise You
          I Raise You and I Praise You
    I Raise You and I Praise You

 

As you think these words, visualize the person you want to forgive floating upward to the light.  Keep saying the words in your mind until you really feel that the person is raised to the highest place, is filled with light and in the presence of God.  Bless them with your love.

 

 

"Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness" by Sue Pipal is available at:

 

Amazon.com

Barnesandnoble.com

Balboapress.com



Happy Leaping Greenly Spirits

I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes.  --e. e. Cummings

A Course of Miracles promises that the more you forgive, the happier your life will be.  In fact,  over time, as you begin to forgive everyone and every difficult event or circumstance in the world around you, you will actually begin to live what the Course calls the "happy dream".   

Forgiveness is much easier than you may think.  In fact, once you get in the habit, it actually becomes pleasurable.  There's really no reason to live a life of fear, anxiety, upset or lack when the possibility of the "happy dream" life is such an easy alternative.  It doesn't happen over night, of course, but a few years of significant forgiveness work will improve your life immeasurably. 

So...what are you waiting for? 

"Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness" is available in both hardcover and paperback at:

amazon.com

barnesandnoble.com

For an ebook go to:

balboapress.com

Quickie Forgiveness

Here's a quick little forgiveness practice that works for most smaller forgiveness challenges.  I use this if someone whom I know well and really love is annoying me momentarily.  I also use it on people I barely know or don't know at all when they are annoying me just a little bit. 

I forgive you,

I release you,

I bless you with love.

 

Repeat this over and over and truly feel yourself blessing and loving the person you are forgiving.  It won't work if you repeat these as empty words.  You've got to really send the love.  When you feel the charge of annoyance, angry emotion or hurt dissipate, you are finished!