"There is nothing you can be aware of in the energy of another that you have not known in yourself. There is nothing another can say or do, or even imagine themselves capable of saying or doing that you have not also known. Again it takes one to know one. When you perceive another acting out of hostility or fear, the only way you can recognize it is because you have been there." --Way of Mastery p. 27Some people just push our buttons. That's how we like to think of it. But what is really happening when we feel activated by the behaviors and attitudes of others?
When others annoy or irritate us, we feel that way because we are actually annoyed or irritated at the parts of ourselves we recognize in them. Say, perhaps, we watch another person acting selfishly. We identify their behavior as selfishness. We are judging them for behaving badly. However, the only reason we know what that behavior is about is because we ourselves have known selfishness in our pasts. Perhaps we are even occasionally selfish in our present, too. This behavior repels us in ourselves and that is why we feel put off by it when we see it in others.
We like to judge others because that puts the blame outside of ourselves. It gives us the perception that they are wrong, or bad, or too this or too that--but that we ourselves are good, right and perfect. We project our own weaknesses onto the world outside of ourselves and this allows us to feel better about who we are. However, this behavior is only contributing to our feelings of separation.
Again, it takes one to know one. Or as Colin Tipping likes to say, "If you spot it, you got it." The next time you find yourself judging someone else, take a moment to look deeply into yourself. Ask yourself, "Where in my own mind do these same attitudes exist?" "Where in my life have I acted out in this same way?"
And then let your judgments go. Release and forgive. It's so much easier to forgive others when we see that they are merely doing the same things we do. We're all human. We all slip up. We're each here, simply learning our lessons. Give others the freedom and support to learn their lessons in their own way, in their own time and place, without our interference or judgment. This is what they need. This is what we need.
Switch from fear and anger to love, understanding and support. Remember that as we forgive them, we are forgiving ourselves. Yes, you heard me right. When we forgive someone else for behaving selfishly, we are actually forgiving ourselves for our own selfish behavior. This is why forgiveness is essential if we want to be happy. We can only forgive ourselves as we forgive others.
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