The Judger Always Feels Judged

 A Course in Miracles Insight on Healing Criticism

"The Judger Always Feels Judged."

I've had this statement taped to the inside of my medicine cabinet door for the past four years at least.  I'm not sure where I found it, perhaps it's from A Course in Miracles.

What We Give, We Receive

It is an important reminder each day that what we give out is returned to us.  If I mentally criticize others on a regular basis, I know that I will feel like the world around me is watching me with disapproving eyes.

 
On the other hand, if I go about my day looking for the best aspects of everyone I meet, seeing them through eyes of love and overlooking shortcomings, I will be supported, valued and cherished by the world around me.

Seeing Through Eyes of Love

I once attended a seminar with Stuart Mooney, a self acclaimed American Buddha, who says he is enlightened.  I love what he had to say about the people in his world, "I just love everyone I see.  To me they are just so lovable, even the unpleasant ones."  Isn't this a perfect way to put it?

Everyone Is on Their Own Journey

Of course, not everyone out there is making the best choices.  When I say overlooking shortcomings, it's not that we don't always see another's "unpleasantness", but that we do learn to accept it as what is.  It's our job to respect everyone's right to their own adventures in this world.  If they choose to be difficult or misled, we have to just chalk it up to the fact that they simply don't know better and they're doing whatever it is they think they need to do to make the best of this life.  As Course students, we often say that we all either living love or crying out for love.

A Course in Miracles says that "we don't know what anything is for."  Therefore it's important not to judge what we see around us.  Since we are all here to get our forgiveness lessons so that we can grow and purify ourselves--until we eventually awaken, it is quite necessary that we have forgiveness opportunities.  That means someone has to play the bad guy so that there will be something to forgive. The person that you love to hate just may be a soul who has come here in this lifetime with an agreement to be annoying so that you can have the opportunity to forgive him and grow.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that we allow murders and child molesters to roam freely harming others at will.  When people behave in a manner that is dangerous to others, we need to protect the innocents. However, even criminals are deserving of our loving forgiveness.

Forgiveness as a Spiritual Practice

Healing one's mind of the habit of judging is not something that happens over-night, at least in my experience.  I've been working on it for some years now and although I've made a lot of progress, I still find my mind thinking critical thoughts occasionally.  It really is only a habit though and if you stop and notice it, over time it will lessen.

Watch Your Mind, Even on Screen

I think it's very important that we carefully watch television, listen to the radio, read the papers or browse the internet.  And we need to make sure we’re not judging people we don’t even know (or even judging characters in TV shows or movies).  Just because we don't know someone does not give us the license to judge them.  Remember that all minds are linked and on some level, you are attacking these people.  Also, this habit of judging people and fictional characters makes it even harder to stop judging the real people in our lives. 

Want to go deeper into forgiveness?

Read this posting that explains more on why forgiveness is our best pathway to peace and happiness: Unblocking our Connection to Love

My book, Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness, offers gentle guidance, spiritual reflections, and real-world practices to help you heal, release, and return to peace.

Explore the book on Amazon → Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness

Make forgiveness a daily practice. Let the Forgiveness Metta Cards guide you each morning with affirmations and soul-soothing reminders to help you release and bless. A beautiful companion to your journal or meditation time.

Take a look on Etsy → 

Let these tools support your journey — because forgiveness sets you free.

— Sue Pipal

How to Reduce The Guilt in Our Lives

"For to forgive means to choose to release another from the perceptions you have been projecting upon them.  It is therefore, an act of forgiving one's self of one's projections".  --The Way of Mastery p. 25

All things are neutral.  All people, all events, all experiences, all words ... all of it is, simply, neutral.

We are the ones that put our own personal spin on everything.  We are the perceivers and we project our own opinions onto all we encounter.

We decide whether what we see in the world around us is "good" or "bad".  We decide whether what we see is "beautiful" or "ugly", "interesting" or "uninteresting", "right" or "wrong".

And yet, everything in our worlds, simply is.

When we see something and decide it is "bad", we are creating a judgment about it.  This judgment will, ultimately, have to be forgiven.  But before we forgive it, it will cause us much pain.  What we give out comes back to us.  When we judge others harshly, we will suffer.  Judging always leads to feelings of guilt.  Sometimes we are acutely aware of the guilt and sometimes we repress it.  But judging always creates guilt, even if it is only in our sub-consciousness.  And guilt, especially sub-conscious guilt, causes us to feel restless, unhappy, empty and deeply dis-satisfied.

"Each time that you judge anything or anyone, you have literally elicited guilt within yourself.  Because there is a place within you, yet still, that knows the perfect purity of your brother and sister, and sees quite clearly that all things within the human realm are either the extension of love or a cry for help and healing."  --Way of Master p. 25

Why not skip all the pain and upset and just learn to accept everything as it is?  If we don't judge it, we won't need to forgive it, and more importantly we won't need to forgive ourselves.  Acceptance of everything in our world is the only way to create inner peace.

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Forgiveness is the Release of all Judgment

"All suffering is a by-product of judgment".--Jennifer Hadley

Yes, dropping the habit of judging is very difficult.  I am struggling with it, too!  But I do realize acutely that the more I simply drop my judgments on every subject in my life, the happier I am.  When I just accept whatever is, I am happiest.

Why do we want to label everything?  Something comes into our awareness and we feel compelled to create an opinion about it.  We judge people (smart, skinny, tall, bossy, beautiful, etc).  We judge our physical world (The ocean is calming, cities are crowded, today's weather is too cold, her house is elegant.)  We judge situations (painful, uplifting, confusing, undesirable).  

What would life be like if we just watched it unfold and just accepted whatever it was?  How does creating an opinion about anything contribute to the quality of our lives?  

When I tell myself that my feelings are hurt, I feel bad.  When I tell myself that she is smarter than I am, I feel bad.  When I tell myself that I don't like his behavior, I feel bad.  When I tell myself that it is a sad thing that she is sick, I feel bad.  

Is it my goal to feel bad?  Of course not.  Then why do I indulge in behavior that makes me feel bad?  

Today I am renewing my intention to drop all judgments toward everyone, everything and every situation that is a part of my world.  When I meet my world with acceptance I am showing up with love and I know that the more love I give out, the more love comes to me.  This is the most important way I can create happiness in my life and in the lives of others around me. 

How Bob Newhart’s ‘Stop It’ Sketch Teaches Us to Let Go of Judgment

Bob Newhart’s Timeless Wisdom on Judgment

I recently attended a seminar in which Jon Mundy spoke. He mentioned how he is often asked about judgment—how to stop judging others. He reminded me of an old Bob Newhart episode that really puts things into perspective.

Just Stop It! The Power of Simple Advice

In the episode, Newhart’s character, a therapist, tells his patient simply: "Stop it. Just stop it!" It’s hilarious, but also profoundly simple advice that highlights how we often make our judgments more complicated than they need to be. The solution is as simple as Newhart’s character suggests: stop it. Stop the judging and choose to live in peace instead.

A Personal Connection to Bob Newhart

For me, this brought to mind not only the wisdom of Newhart's sketch but also my own personal connection to him. I have always loved Bob Newhart and watched many of his shows in reruns. Interestingly, my sister's first husband's father was the producer for Newhart's show. Bob Newhart’s mild manner always reminded me so much of my own dad, and I could sense his gentle, calm energy, even on-screen.

A Humbling Moment with Bob Newhart

One day, when I was in my early 20s, I was waiting at a stop signal on Hilgard Ave, adjacent to the UCLA campus. As I glanced over at the car idling next to me, I was delighted to see that it was none other than Bob Newhart! He had a small child (probably a granddaughter) in the seat next to him, and as I watched, he wrapped his arm tenderly around her, bending over to listen intently to whatever the child was saying. It was a charming, quiet moment that seemed to capture the essence of Newhart’s calm demeanor in real life.

Letting Go of Judgment: Choosing Peace

This moment, combined with Newhart’s iconic sketch, helped me realize how much judgment complicates our lives. It’s easy to get caught up in judging others, but if we can pause and reflect, we can choose to let go of judgment and replace it with love, peace, and understanding. The simple wisdom of “stop it” is more powerful than we often give it credit for.

So there you have it folks, let's all just stop it.  STOP IT!!  Stop the judging and live in peace. 

Want to go deeper into forgiveness?

Explore how forgiveness reconnects us to divine compassion in Unblocking our Connection to Love. Read it here →
My book, Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness, offers heartfelt guidance, spiritual tools, and real-life practices. Read it on Amazon →
Let daily affirmations support you too — discover the Forgiveness Metta Card Deck for a gentle morning practice of peace and release. View the deck on Etsy →

Let these tools light your path — because forgiveness sets you free.

— Sue Pipal