The Moment When Life Begins

A Course in Miracles tells us that in all moments we are making a choice between love and fear.  It is very simple, really.  All we have to do is choose love now.  And in the next moment, choose love now.

"When you look upon all things without judgment through the eyes of forgiveness, when you decide to embody only the reality of Love no matter what anybody else is doing, that is when life begins."  --The Way of Mastery p.79

Only we can be the master of our thought.  No one else can get inside our head. We must be the one to cease the endless fear thoughts the ego stirs up.   At times, this may seem difficult to do, however, this is only the fearful thinking of the ego, trying to convince us it can't be done.  It can be done. It must be done.

And what is our reward for this effort?  Why, it's peace, of course.  It's love. Happiness. Joy.

It's a chance to leave this "hell on earth" we create in our very own minds and enter into Heaven right here in our own daily lives.  Right here. Right now.

In most moments, most days, it's just a matter of noticing our thoughts.  When fear creeps in, when judgment takes over, we can make another choice.  "Choose again", as A Course in Miracles says. We can make that choice to flip the switch from fear to love.

Choose again.

But...some days it's harder to flip the switch.

Occasionally the darkness descends and won't be transcended easily.  When this happens, ask the Holy Spirit to help.  Give all your fearful thoughts over to the Holy Spirit.  If it helps, visualize yourself actually handing them over.  Or create a huge white light altar and place your fear upon it.  Spirit will take it from you and cleanse your mind. Sometimes this cleansing happens instantly.  Sometimes this process can take hours.  Vow to sit right where you are until your thinking clears.  Wait it out.  Every time a fear thought comes, turn it over.  Do it again and again if you have to. Here's an affirmation you can use:

"I accept the love of God."

Repeat this over and over.  Then spend some time just quietly listening with no expectations of hearing anything.  If there is anyone you can forgive for anything, do it.  Work at this process diligently, and I promise you, the fear will pass.  Love thinking will return.

Does this seem difficult?  Uncomfortable?  Insane?  Actually, it's insanity to live in torment, when a choice for peace exists.  It's insanity to live in fear when a choice for love exists.  There are people all over this planet choosing love, right now.  Join us.

This is when life begins.  

You do not Know the Forces Playing on Another

More on judging, from the "'I AM' Discourses":

"I tell you frankly, Beloved Students and individuals, there is not the slightest hope for you in heaven or earth so long as you persist in holding within your consciousness thoughts and feelings of criticism, condemnation, or hate of any description, and that includes mild dislike.

This leads us to the very vital point that you are concerned only with your own activity and your world.  It is not your province to judge another, for you do not know the forces playing upon another or conditions. You know only the angle that you see of it, and I tell you that if an individual should be entirely innocent of any intent to wrong another, the individuals who send criticism, condemnation or hate to such an one are doing worse than committing physical murder.  Why is this so?  Because thought and feeling are the only Creative Power, and while such thoughts and feelings may not touch or harm their objective, they must return and bring with them the conditions sent out by the individual who sent them forth--and always with accumulated energy.  

So after all, the one who holds vicious thoughts to another is in reality but destroying himself, his business and his affairs.  There is no possible way of averting it, except for the individual to awaken and consciously reverse the currents."  

Judging is the opposite of forgiveness.  When we forgive we "flip the switch" from fear (anger, upset, annoyance, hurt) to love.   This moment when we forgive and flip that switch is what is called the "holy instant" in A Course in Miracles.  It is the moment when the miracle occurs.

On the other hand, when we judge, we are flipping the switch back in the opposite direction.  We are switching back to fear.  We judge because we are filled with fears.  We feel threatened by our world in some way, and so we judge.  In many cases, we don't even know why we feel fear.  Often, it is coming from our sub-conscious minds.

We have two kinds of work to do if we want to stop the habit of judging.  First, we must be vigilant always in guarding and protecting our minds from any vicious and judgmental fear thoughts.   As A Course of Miracles says, "choose again".  It is always within our power to choose again when we find our minds filling with fear and judgment.  When we see that we are starting to judge, we can make another choice, the choice for love.  

Our second work is that we must ask ourselves important examining questions when we find ourselves judging. What is this fear I feel in this moment?  Where is it coming from?  Why do I feel so threatened by this person?  What in my past is causing this moment to flare up so large in my mind?  If we are judging it is because we are feeling "little".  Why?  What about this person and this event is so threatening to our own sense of safety?  As we examine our fears, we can forgive and release them.

Again, as it says in the "I AM" Discourses, "the one who holds vicious thoughts to another is in reality destroying himself".  This is why as we learn to stop the ugly, destructive habit of judging others and we begin to give out love instead, the world around us changes.  It becomes a place of peace, first in our minds, and then that peace begins to out-picture in our worlds.  And when peace comes, we begin to find our happiness.

St. Germain--the source of the "I AM" Discourses

  

"Compassion is an attitude that upholds the memory of wholeness for people when they are lost in separation, pain and conflict."

I often talk about "flipping the switch" from love to fear.  Forgiveness happens at the very moment that we flip that switch.

One moment we are feeling thoughts of fear; anger, hurt, resentment, frustration, annoyance, irritation, victim-hood, upset, pain, rage and most importantly a sense that we are ultimately unloveable.  We flip that switch by dropping the fear thoughts of separation and isolation and replacing them with love thoughts.  We don't have to go all the way to full love, the switch happens the moment we start up the road to love; sympathy, understanding, compassion, hopefulness and a sense of sharing and oneness.

"Love is also grounded in an attitude of compassion.  Compassion is necessary for our survival and our evolution.  Compassion is an attitude that upholds the memories of wholeness for people when they are lost in separation, pain and conflict.  Compassion is love's holding environment.  It is how love whispers to us, "I will remember the truth of who you are even when you cannot remember this for yourself."  This compassion sees through what Einstein called the "optical delusion" of separation.  Einstein taught us that we can free ourselves from identifying with this ego-consciousness by 'widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.'" --Robert Holden in Loveability p. 29 (emphasis in italics are mine)

And just what exactly is "the truth of who you are when you cannot remember this for yourself"? Everyone's truth is the same--that we are all one, that we all are a part of God's creation, that we are all one thing and one thing only...love.  We are perfect, whole and complete.  We are created by God in his own image.  God loves us infinitely and our one and only task is to extend this love by returning it to God and to each other.

When we flip the switch from fear to love, all we need to do is acknowledge this truth for the other person.  We simply need to know that they are a Child of God.  In a sense we are actually switching from the smallness of our ego minds to a much bigger and more truthful picture, in fact we are switching to the whole picture.  It's a matter of changing the perspective of our thinking and broadening our minds so that we see and think as God himself does.

This life of separation is only a dream our egos created anyway.  It's not real.  Nothing involving fear really exists. Fear is only an invention of the mind.  it is an illusion.  Yes, living here on 3D planet earth, we think it's real, but we've only forgotten the truth that we are all one and that in that oneness, we are love.

"To love and be loved is the true joy of every human heart.  There is no higher happiness than this.  Alas, in any human dramas there are also wounds and disappointments, mistakes, betrayals, pain and heartache.  Even so, love comes to our rescue.  Love offers us a solution, which is a process called forgiveness.  Forgiveness is an angel that comes to us when we sleep and wakes us from the hypnosis.  It is the ground of love that supports you when you are falling, breaking apart, and coming undone.  Forgiveness undoes the blocks to loves awareness.  It shows you that a universe of love doesn't ever stop, even when all you can see is pain.  Love always loves you, even when you can't or won't love yourself." --Robert Holding Loveability p. 29

Oddly, flipping the switch from fear to forgiveness is surprisingly easy once you get some practice with it.  It's true that when you are in the throes of anger and hurt, the thought of forgiving can feel very distasteful.  But once you learn that a feeling of love and relief flows over you with forgiveness, you will become more motivated to do it sooner.

Also, there is that little matter of increasing annoyances.  While you are in a state of separation and amplifying those fear feelings by cherishing the anger and hurt, your 3D earthly life will reflect this separation.  This is the time that you will stub your toe, lose an important business contract, upset the feelings of those you care about and wake up with a bad hair day.  This is absolutely true, and if you don't believe me about this yet, just watch how it plays out in your life.

So, learn to get over it quickly.  Drop the feelings of fear and let the hurt and anger switch over to love as quickly as you are able to.  Remember that when you give love, you get love.  Find the love and happiness you are seeking.  It's there waiting for you and all you have to do to receive it is practice forgiveness.

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What's to Forgive About the 4th?

Perhaps your 4th of July celebrations went off quietly and without a hitch.  Your 4th was peaceful or uneventful.  If so, you are free of forgiveness homework for now, but do remember that forgiveness opportunities are a part of everyone's life and if you're not being given a forgiveness assignment this weekend, you'll get one soon enough.

If, however, you had a crazy busy 4th with lots of family and friends treading on each others toes, travel traffic to deal with, crowds, summer heat and burnt BBQ, you might have a little forgiveness work to do.  Spend a few quiet moments quickly reviewing your holiday today.  Were there disappointments or moments of frustration and anger?  Did anyone insult you or hurt your feeling?  Did your buttons get pressed at any point either by people you know and love, by strangers in the crowds or traffic or simply by the events of the weekend?  If you find that there were any moments where you felt any negative feelings at all, it's time to do a little forgiveness work.

Send a little love to whomever or whatever activated your emotions over the holiday.  Go ahead.  Just flip the switch from fear and negative thinking to love.  If you find forgiveness easy, just see the people or events you need to forgive enveloped in white light.  You can say the words, "I forgive you.  I release you.  I bless you with love."  Or, you can envision them floating skyward in their brilliant white light and say the words, "I raise you. I praise you." over and over until you feel the switch has been flipped from fear to love.  You'll know it in your heart when that has happened.  If you're in the habit of forgiving, a quickie forgiveness process like one of these usually does the trick.  Congratulations...job done!

However, if you're new to forgiveness or if you had a particularly unsettling run-in with someone, you can try a more structured forgiveness process.  You can go to Colin Tipping's web-site and download one of his radical forgiveness forms.  Or, you can download my audio forgiveness meditation, "Forgive Someone Now",https://www.tahoedreaminteriors.com/forgive-someone-now/ which will guide you through forgiveness for only $2.99.  You can load it onto your computer or cell phone so that you can listen to it anytime you need it.  It will teach you an easy forgiveness process that you can use anytime and anywhere.

Get in the habit of reviewing your weekend every weekend and clearing through any unsettling events with forgiveness.  A forgiveness habit will create peace in your life over time.  You'll be amazed at how much your life and the world around you will change with a forgiveness lifestyle.  Forgiveness is the key to happiness.

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Forgive Someone You Love

I really believe that our biggest "forgiveness opportunities", as we A Course in Miracles Students like to call them, come from the people we know best.  The people that we are in relationship with can be our greatest source of joy...and they can also be our greatest source of annoyance or outright hurt.  Spouses, significant others, children, siblings, best friends or anyone else that we spend a great deal of time with, are often the people we find ourselves needing to forgive over and over.

I am going to give some tips on forgiving the people that we "love" the most, but first, I think it's important that we all give a good hard look at the reasons why we need to forgive our loved ones so often.  Remember that when we find that we need to forgive someone, it is because we have first judged them in some way.  We all need to ask ourselves some hard questions:

Are we too critical of our families, friends and loved ones?
Do we look at these relationships in terms of what we can get from them versus what we can give?
Do we have expectations for these people?
Are we accepting who they truly are or do we want them to be something else?
Are we looking at these people to be the source of our good in this world? 

No person is responsible for our happiness.  True happiness is something that comes from inside ourselves.  It comes when we know that we are loved and cherished by Spirit and are therefore able to love and cherish ourselves.  If we go looking for happiness elsewhere, we will never really find it.  Yes, we may find something that looks and smells a little bit like happiness for awhile, but it will always be fleeting.

Only the happiness we get from inside is the permanent kind that grows and deepens and sustains.  Forgiveness is the process through which we earn that happiness.  As we forgive others by offering them love, we begin to realize that we are worthy of that love, too.  It's a universal law, "You get what you give."  Happiness never comes from others, rather it comes when we give love to others.  Forgiveness is one of the ways we do this.

So first, let's all give a long hard look at each of our most challenging personal relationships and be honest with ourselves about how much of the discomfort we feel from those relationships is of our own doing.  This is not something that we will spend a quick few minutes on, but something that we will be studying and watching for the next few months as we really observe our own feelings and behaviors.

In the meantime, when we do find that someone we love is annoying us or hurting our feelings in any way, let's practice a little forgiveness.  My favorite forgiveness process for this situation is available in an audio format that you can download for $2.99, Forgive Someone NOW.

This audio takes 13 minutes to listen to, but it will teach you a process that takes less than a minute to complete once you get a little practice with it.  This is also forgiveness process #1, Seeing the Higher Truth, as outlined in my book, "Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness".  This is by far the process that I use the most frequently.  In fact, I use it almost every day for just about every thing that hurts or annoys me in my present

And here's a little advanced forgiveness experiment I recommend.  The next time someone that you "love" is upsetting you try "flipping the switch" right then and there.  

Go right from fear to love.  See if you can just stop the ego rampage in your mind.  Just let go of all those critical thoughts, those needy thoughts, those "I have to be right" thoughts, those "I need you to complete me" thoughts.  Just drop them.  Just do it.  And then turn up the love.  Direct feelings of deep love toward your loved one.  Let them amplify until they engulf the two of you.  Just keep intensifying the love.

One fascinating by-product of forgiveness is that it actually changes the world around us.  If you practice forgiving the people you love every time they press your buttons, you will find that over time your buttons get pressed less frequently, until eventually, almost never.  Do the people we love actually become less annoying with forgiveness or are we less likely to be annoyed?  Who knows?  I believe that both actually happen, but try it and see for yourself.  One thing I know for sure is that your world will change.    

This morning I was listening to a lecture with Louise Hay and Cheryl Richardson.  Cheryl Richardson mentioned that a former therapist had asked her an important question during couples' counselling.  The question was, "Do you want to keep redecorating hell or do you want to fix this?"  This is exactly the issue we face when we allow ourselves to stay in a state of annoyance, hurt or victim-hood with the people in our lives.  We can allow our egos to take over, amplifying fear and keeping us in hell, or we can connect to Spirit and switch to love.  One of those choices leads to happiness!

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Sometimes We Dread Forgiving Certain People

Forgiveness is actually very easy, once you get the hang of it.  However, forgiveness does take getting past one hurdle and that is letting go of the pleasure we feel in our victim-hood.  Does that idea surprise you?  Well, it's true that we enjoy being victims and the evidence of that is simply that we choose to be victims.  We stubbornly hang on to our victim-hood.  We love to savor our anger and outrage.  We love to get into our pain and we love to feel put upon and abused.  Our hurt feeds the fire of our indignation.

It can sometimes be a big step to let all that go.

But like any big step, if you want to make progress, you just have to do it.

Remember what it was like, learning to put your head underwater for the first time?  You just held your nose and dunked.  You just did it, even though you may not have known what it would be like.  You just trusted that it would be good.

Sometimes, when we are thinking about forgiving someone that we believe is particularly heinous, the idea of forgiving feels very distasteful.  Now that I am in the habit of forgiving everything, I don't feel that way anymore, but I do clearly remember how unpleasant it once was to offer forgiveness to the few people in my life that I believed were villainous.  I don't know why we sometimes resist forgiving so strongly.  Maybe we just want to hang onto our feelings of superiority.  "He's a horrible person and that makes me a good person."  Perhaps that kind of thinking just makes us feel better.  It's hard to give it up.

My best advice, if you're feeling that way, is to just do it.  Just hold your nose and dive into the forgiveness.  It will be over before you know it and you'll feel totally different about it afterward. You just will.  Forgiveness makes everything better.

In my meditation class today, we did a simple meditation from the book "Aging as a Spiritual Practice" by Lewis Richmond.  I'd like to share it with you, because I think it might be a good little exercise to ease into forgiveness, especially if you have some unpleasant people that you're feeling reluctant to forgive.  Here it is:

Find a quiet place and spend a few minutes calming your mind and listening to your breath.  When you are ready, imagine a small intense orb of white light in your heart center.  "On each in-breath feel the breath coming in from the world and refreshing the sphere of light.  On each out-breath, feel the breath going back out into the world with that light's generous energy."  Continue with this for a minute or two, feeling the flow of white light out into the world around you, healing, cleansing, offering love. 

Now, imagine that there is a mirror image of yourself sitting opposite you.  Let the cleansed out-breaths of white light surround and permeate the image of yourself.  Then as you breathe in, imagine that all the troubles, problems, pains and emotional hurts float out from the image of yourself and into your real self, down into the white light in your heart center where they can be cleansed and consumed in the light.  You are purifying and healing all the troubles away. Then breath pure white loving light out and into the image of yourself.  Let your breath circle generosity to and from yourself.  Continue on with this for a short time until you feel that all the problems and pains have been transformed. 

Next, imagine that there is someone you love sitting opposite you and continue the healing and loving breathing with them until they are cleansed (this should happen in five or six breaths or so).  Then switch to another person you love. Do this for three or four people. 

Now...here comes the good part, and it should be fairly easy to do because you are now in a very loving place.  Switch the person sitting opposite you into someone you need to forgive.  Continue to breathe out the loving white light, flooding their image with kindness and healing.  Then breathe in all their pain and difficulties to your heart center where the white light can transform them into pure loving energy.  Do this until you feel you have cleansed and healed them.   

This is another good example of the action of "flipping the switch" in our minds from fear to love.  At first it can seems almost inconceivable that we could look on someone that we loathe with love.  However, once we teach our minds how to do it, it becomes very easy.  In some ways the mind is very trainable.

So if you're feeling fear, reluctance or righteousness about forgiving someone unpleasant in your life, take the plunge.  Have a forgiveness baptism.  The water's fine!

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Happiness is Something You Decide On

"The 92-year old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair done and makeup applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.

After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window. “I love it,” she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. 

“Mrs. Jones, you haven’t seen the room ...” 

“That doesn’t have anything to do with it,” she replied. “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged, it’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it."  --The above story came from Chapter Two Blog .   

Mrs. Jones knows something big.  And this is something that most of us go our entire lives without learning.  Mrs. Jones knows that our thoughts are the one thing in life that we have complete and utter control over.  How we chose to look at the world is the one choice that is ours to make.  Mrs. Jones knows that each of us has the wherewithal to choose to allow only thoughts that ultimately contribute to our happiness to fill our minds.   

Choosing to be happy means that we choose to accept everything that occurs in our lives, even blindness. 

Choosing to be happy means that we learn to trust that whatever occurs is ultimately for our greater good, if we will only let it unfold, watching it with love and acceptance.

Choosing to be happy means that we let go of our habit of judging.  We stop judging the people we encounter, we stop judging the events that occur in our life and we stop judging the world and its conditions.

Choosing to be happy means that we commit to work to forgive the source of our disappointments, pains, losses, lack, discomfort, unhappiness, sadness, frustrations and fear, whatever it may be.  

Choosing to be happy means that it is okay for us to experience and feel real pain and hurt when it shows up in our lives.  It's okay to grieve.  It's okay to gnash ones teeth.  It's okay to howl with frustration.  But then, we release it and move on.  we don't fixate and get stuck in victim-hood.  We forgive.   

Choosing to be happy means that we develop a forgiveness lifestyle, that we practice forgiving whatever pushes our buttons each day in our present, that we forgive the painful events from our past and that we work to uncover the "false beliefs" that we have created as the result of these past events that are creating upsetting, confusing and painful patterns in our present.

And finally. choosing to be happy means that we flip the switch in our mind whenever the ego rears it's ugly head.  We flip the switch from fear to love.  We choose to think with Spirit in our minds.  Whenever we notice that the ego has returned with its thoughts of fear and worry, sadness and disappointment, frustration and anger, hurt and despair...we process, we inquire, we dig deep into our pasts to find the source of these thoughts, we examine, we feel and we release.  And then we kick the ego to the curb and get on with our happy lives.  

Judgments, Expectations and Behaviors of Wanting

I really love Colin Tipping's Radical Forgiveness forms and I have used many to forgive people and events from my past.  There is an entire chapter on Radical Forgiveness in my book, "Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness", and I recommend them in my forgiveness workshops.  (The forms are available for free at www.colintipping.com under "Free Stuff").

If you are a regular follower of this blog, you know that I often encourage readers to "flip the switch" from fear to love as a part of the forgiveness process.  Flipping the switch occurs the moment we stop judging and condemning and offer any sort of love, understanding or compassion to our trespasser.

In Colin Tipping's form he asks a number of questions that build upon each other culminating in the flipping of the switch.  One of the questions I love is this (substitute your trespasser's name for the X):

"My discontent was my signal that I was withholding love from myself and (X) by judging, holding expectations, wanting (X) to change, and seeing (X) as less than perfect. List the judgments, expectations and behaviors that indicate you were wanting (X) to change."

So often, our hurt and pain occurs when we want either someone in our lives, or the world around us to be a certain way.

When we dis-attach ourselves from expectations, wanting and emotional needs, then we are free to live in peace and joy.

We often create "needs" in our minds.  We might think, "I can't be happy if (X) doesn't love me." Or, "My life is a failure if I don't get a job with an important company."  Or, "I need to live in a beautiful house to be happy."  Or, "I need to be healthy to be happy."  All of these kinds of beliefs are just things we tell ourselves. Think about each of these statements above.  Are any of them really true?  Happiness and inner peace come from  releasing judgments and accepting whatever is.

When we create desired outcomes in our minds and get attached to them, we are only setting ourselves up for failure and misery.  In fact, attachments of any kind only set us up for pain.  Attachments to people, to places, to things are what create most of the pain in our lives.  When we just allow what is to be and accept the world around us as it is, we begin the process of creating inner peace in our minds.

There is a great big, beautiful, joyful world right here in front of us and in our minds.  And it is "what is".  There is plenty here to keep us satisfied if we will only flip the switch from fear to love and allow ourselves to see the truth around us.

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When Thoughts Go Bump in the Night

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and find that your mind is filled with worry and fear?  Even those of us that work hard to eradicate fear thoughts during the day may find that our mind sometimes floods with upsetting thoughts in that state between waking and sleep.

The Witching Hour

This is a sign that we have some clean up work to do in our mind.  A forgiveness lifestyle will help lessen the fear.

In the meantime, what can we do when we wake to find ourselves in the dark shadow of the night?  We have two choices.  We can elect to deal with the subjects that are coming up right then and there.  If we are willing to just go with it and lose a few hours of sleep, this is a perfect time to do some forgiveness work.  The Feel the Feelings process which can be found in Chapter 3 of "Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness" is perfect for these times.  (There is also a downloadable audio meditation of this process available here for $2.99.  Why not just slip the headphones on and do the work right in bed?)

Or, for those of us that have to be up early in the mornings to deal with jobs or kids, getting back to peace so that we can sleep is essential.  It's important to "flip the switch" in our minds from fear to love.  One way to do this is with affirmations.  When we concentrate on repeating positive words over and over, there is no room left in our minds for the fear thoughts.

Flip the Switch from Fear to Love

Before starting the affirmations, it is a good idea to give the fear thinking over to Spirit.  You can just say in your mind, "I am giving this over to you, Spirit."  Or, if you are visual, you can create a beautiful white and gleaming marble altar in your mind.  Make it all lit up, glowing and gorgeously bright.  Place your fear thoughts on the altar and watch them be consumed with white flames of Infinite love.

What affirmations are best?  I like "I accept the love of God" or "Thank you God, for creating me."  An affirmation I'm currently working with is "I accept the happiness that God intends me to have."  Of course, you can choose any affirmation that works for you personally and flips you over from fear to love.

I once read someplace that an hour of meditation is equal to three hours of sleep.  Is this true? If this is so, you can calmly enjoy your affirmations, knowing that each moment you spend with them is contributing to a positive, powerful and energetic day tomorrow.

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Who Are We, Really?

"Spirit am I, a holy Son of God, free of all limits, safe and healed and whole, free to forgive, and free to save the world."  --A Course in Miracles, Workbook Lesson 97

When we know who and what we really are, it is easy to forgive others.  When we know who and what we are, we know who and what everyone else is, too.  

Knowing this higher truth is the easiest path to forgiveness.  All that is required to forgive is a recognition of this higher truth.  It can happen as quickly as flipping a switch.  When we stop our everyday thinking and simply know that our trespasser is as much a "holy Son of God" as we are, we are seeing them through the eyes of forgiveness.

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How to Forgive Really Big Betrayals

Once you get a forgiveness lifestyle happening, most of your forgiveness work will be fairly easy.  Lately I've been discussing the concept of "flipping the switch" from judgement to acceptance or fear to love.  This is a fairly easy process and once you understand it and have worked with it for awhile you'll find that you can forgive most of life's little annoyances and wounds in a minute or so of correct thinking.

However, there are other kinds of forgiveness needs in our lives and some are more challenging than this.  One is for big betrayals.  Not all of us have experienced a core-shattering betrayal, but if you have, you'll know how deeply painful this can be.  

My own experience with forgiving big betrayals has shown me that they require a lot of forgiveness work, often over an ongoing period of time.  Also, I've found that some deep betrayals need to be forgiven from a number of different angles and using a number of different processes.

Let's deal with the ongoing aspect of forgiving big betrayals first.  When we are deeply and utterly betrayed to our cores, there is so much hurt that it sometimes releases slowly.  In forgiving big betrayals, I found that I would forgive only to find that just a few days later, painful memories were running through my mind all over again. Much of the hurt, anger and other painful emotions had returned in almost full force.   

When this happens, there is nothing you can do, but forgive the whole mess all over again to the best of your ability.  Sometimes this means that you are forgiving the same event over and over again for weeks, months or even years.  It's important not to feel alarmed or overwhelmed by this.  Settle in to the fact that some of the biggest traumas of our lives take some time and effort to work through.  As we forgive, accept and release the pain, over time we will find that our forgiveness load lightens considerably every time we work with it and that eventually, the traumatic painful emotions lift completely away, never to return.  Have patience and keep chipping away at it.  You will come to the other side of it.

It's complicated!

One thing I've found is that there are often a number of different emotional aspects surrounding a big betrayal.  In other words, it's complicated.  As we forgive one part of it, other aspects come to the surface of our minds.  As each aspect comes into our awareness, we need to forgive that part of the betrayal.  We might find that we are forgiving one big betrayal, but that this event had repercussions that affected a myriad of aspects in our lives.  The trusting way we formerly looked at the world may have changed.  The betrayal may have forced significant changes into our daily lifestyles, perhaps financial, or we may even have had to move houses or change jobs.  If we have children, they may be affected.  Perhaps our betrayer was someone we spent a great deal of time with, and now we are mourning the loss of a best friend or spouse.  Our confidence levels may have changed and our sense of overall fear may be increased.  Perhaps this event tied into earlier memories of betrayal in our past that need to be dug up from the interior of our minds and processed.  

Understanding and forgiving all this needs contemplative time.  Think of this betrayal as a big knotted ball of yarn in our sub-consciousness.  We need to unravel every thread and release it individually until eventually, there is nothing left. 

A great starting place for forgiving a big betrayal is with Colin Tipping's Radical Forgiveness forms. (available for free at www.colintipping.com under "free stuff")  They really force you to do some deep thinking about how the betrayal has affected you.  If you are really deeply hurt, be prepared to do quite a few forms.  Try to tackle a form every day or so for awhile until you feel that the forgiveness is taking effect.  Every time you become aware of a new aspect of the betrayal that needs to be forgiven, write it down on an ongoing forgiveness "to do" list.   This way, you'll know the direction your forgiveness will take each day.  

I also like using a number of other forgiveness processes on something big like this.  There are several great ones outlined in my book "Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness", particularly "Feel the Feelings".  Also, my "Forgive Your Past NOW" audio meditation can be of significant help in breaking through a lot of the pain and hurt in one quick blow.  

Just remember that forgiveness is a lifestyle.  It is something we do everyday.  We are all given forgiveness assignments in this lifetime. Everyone of us has bruises, bumps and deep wounds to forgive.  It is as we forgive, accept and release that the true meaning of love begins to flow into our lives.  It starts off slowly at first, but as our forgiveness lifestyle grows, our understanding of the true meaning of love does, too.  And when this happens, we begin to know the deep inner peace that is our divine inheritance.  It's always ours to receive, but forgiveness is the way that we convince ourselves that we are worthy of accepting it.  

Available at:

 Barnesandnoble.com

Amazon.com

Balboapress.com

Audio download with the "feel the feelings" forgivness process:

  

When Forgiveness Seems Difficult

Yes, it's true...forgiveness can seem overwhelming when we're not in a regular forgiveness practice.  The first time we sit down and truly tackle forgiving someone, it can feel almost impossible.

That's happening for two reasons.  The first is that our ego loves to hold tight to our grudges, cherishing our wounds and flaming up the intensity of our pain.  The second reason is that we simply don't have the tools we need to forgive.

The first step is to use logic against the ego.  After all, it's actually very logical to forgive.  Holding grudges prevents us from experiencing happiness and inner peace.  We need to firmly tell our egos to get out of our way and to let us try forgiveness.

Baby steps.  Then, for our first time out of the box, let's just try a tiny forgiveness baby step.  Just sit quietly, with closed eyes and visualize that we are sending a huge stream of white light to our trespasser.  It's really that simple.  We are flipping the switch.  We're going from anger and resentment to love.  It may not feel like deep love yet, but we're making a very important step with our gift of white light.

And that's all it takes!  It's not necessary to call and make up with this person.  It's not necessary to apologize or take them out to lunch.  In fact, it's OK if we never see them again. We don't have to be friends with someone who has hurt us in the past.  But we do need to let our hurt feelings and anger release.   Just flip the switch from fear to love with the gift of white light and we will have made a great step forward in the act of forgiving.

It's likely that a few hours from now, or a few days from now, we'll find ourselves once again feeling annoyed or hurt and upset about this same person.  That's OK.  Just go back to using a little more white light whenever our thoughts go dark.  We are flipping the switch again from fear to love. Each time we forgive with our white light, the fear will be lessened.   And we'll keep sending white light until we have completely forgiven...because we know that a lifestyle of forgiveness leads to a life of happiness.

If you like this experience and would like to learn deeper forgiveness processes:

Available at:

barnesandnoble.com

amazon.com

balboapress.com

And if you would like to gently guided through a quick and easy to use but very effective process for forgiving someone, download "Forgive Someone NOW".  Only $2.99.