It's OK That We're Not OK

In a recent blog posting, Colin Tipping said:

"I love that line: I’m not OK, you’re not OK; but that’s OK! It captures the truth about who we are and the fact that we were never meant to be perfect. If we were, there would be no one to create opportunities for us to experience forgiveness. Our perfection lies in our imperfection.

I also love the following definition of Radical Forgiveness, which is along the same lines: It is the unconditional acceptance of what is, as is, because that’s how it is meant to be."

We're all together here in this world.  But we're also all together on the pathway home.  That's because, in truth, we're all part of the one universal mind.  We are one and collectively, we are learning and growing together. We grow through forgiveness and acceptance, which are, ultimately, only love.

Colin Tipping believes that we all cooperate with each other, creating situations that allow us to each receive our forgiveness lessons.  Of course, this cooperation occurs subconsciously, on the level of the greater mind.

At certain times in each of our lives, we are providing others with forgiveness opportunities.
Just as we are each sometimes annoyed, upset or hurt by others, we all occasionally annoy, upset or hurt someone else, too.  Every one of us is given the opportunity to forgive and grow many times in this lifetime.  And the more we overlook those opportunities, the more "in-our-faces" they get.  If we fail to forgive the first time, no worries, we'll always get another chance  But the next time it will be bigger and more painful.

The next time someone hurts your feelings, try to flop the situation around in your mind.  Are they at some level actually offering you a gift?

Have they volunteered to help you grow by giving you the chance to forgive?  Are these "devils" actually "angels" in disguise?  Can it be that their hurtful behavior is actually an act of love?

Forgiveness is much easier if you allow yourself to think in this way.

We Don't Know What Anything is For

Sometimes life just ups and knocks us to the ground.  Most of us have this happen to at least once or twice in life.  One minute we're rocking along, moving forward and the next minute we have lost something or everything that is very dear to us.

I call this the "stripping away" because in it we lose much of what we thought we needed to be okay.  This can be a very painful experience to go through.  Ultimately, however, it becomes a growing experience.  It is through these stripping away times in our lives that we get to see who we really are.  They show us that we are so much more than the things we think we need.

"The seeming mysteries of life with their attendant experiences are, when rightly understood, blessings in disguise, for any experience that causes us to turn more firmly to the One Active Presence, "I AM," God in Action, has served us a wonderful purpose and blessing."--The "I AM" Discourses

A Course in Miracles tells us that we "don't know what anything is for".   When we are faced with circumstances that seem as if they are the annihilation of the self we have worked so hard to create, we must learn to forgive and accept what is happening to us.  We must trust and know that everything we are creating in our lives is for our greater good.  As the Course tells us, these events are not being done TO us, but they are FOR us.

Sometimes a "stripping away" of the old is necessary for the new to create itself.  Disease, divorce, debt, great disappointment and loss all serve a purpose.  Of course, when these things are happening to us, and we are in the midst of the gut-wrenching pain, it is hard to see the silver lining in these clouds.   But it is there and if we forgive and accept, we will ultimately come to know it.

Forgiveness opportunities come in both small and large packages.  The small are so much easier.  Like you, I vastly prefer the small.  However, as I look back on my life, I know that the large forgiveness opportunities are the ones which have led me to become the searcher I am today.  Life is often gently moving me forward in a better direction.  But sometimes I get lost and place too much importance on the wrong things.  This is when the "stripping away" comes in to show me what I have been unwilling to see.  I guess sometimes I just need that swift kick in the pants, the one that knocks me to the ground, writhing and gasping.  I know now that when I ultimately stand again, I will be standing taller and with the greater strength of Spirit coursing within me.

The fastest way to the other side of a "stripping away" is through forgiveness.  Sometimes it can take a great deal of time to recover, perhaps years, but it is always a choice to recover right now, through a total and complete act of forgiveness and acceptance.  For those of us who are unable yet to forgive in full, for whom forgiveness still feels like a bitter spoonful of medicine, we must do what we can and chip away at forgiveness, taking it sip by sip until eventually, we have accomplished it.  For there will be no recovery without it.

Sometimes we are given the task to learn that we can survive the things we think we can't.  If we apply acceptance to these moments in our lives, we can bounce back and not only survive, but thrive.  It is a choice we are given, we can elect to be "stripped away" permanently and become bitter and small, or we can forgive and grow into something even better than we were before this experience.  Happiness is attainable, but not without forgiveness.


By the way, I wrote about my most recent "stripping away" experience in my book, "Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness".  It was a doozy.  If you want to learn what happened to me and how I grew through it, the story starts on page 83 in the chapter titled, "Life Sometimes Tears Us Down".

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Forgiveness and Travel

I just got back from a short trip for a friend's daughter's wedding.  In looking back over my trip I see that there were a few forgiveness opportunities given to me and I'd like to share my thoughts with you about them.

Judging   Traveling provides us with ample opportunities to observe ourselves in judgment.  Airports, big cities and crowds of all sorts are full of every kind of person imaginable.  Observing our thoughts and judgments as we watch the crowds around us allows us to see our judgment habits in action.  Are we looking critically at people's appearances and behavior?

I confess that I love clothes and it's something that's just been a part of me since I was a little child.  I often find myself thinking, "Oh, isn't that person beautifully dressed", or "Yikes!  What is that person thinking, wearing that in public?"  It's a bad habit I have always had and I need to rid myself of it.  As our forgiveness lifestyle grows, we should be starting to see humanity with love and in appreciation of the equality and oneness that is an inherent part of each person's higher self.  I know that I need to let go of my attachment to beauty and my difficulty in accepting things that are not beautiful. I'm much better than I used to be at this and I am grateful for my progress, but this is an area I must grow more in.

People do the craziest things and once we observe odd or difficult behavior, we must find forgiveness for it.  While relaxing by the pool at our hotel on one of our travel days, I watched a woman sit minding her children swim while dangling her feet in the pool.  She actually pulled out a pair of toenail nippers and began to give herself a manicure and pedicure flicking all the bits of nail and skin into the pool water!  Yes, she did!!!  It's a little hard not to judge something like that when you see it, and yes I did judge it, but I have now performed one of my forgiveness processes on her.

Feeling Victimized   Traveling can be so trying at times, that it can easily throw us into victim-mode.  Are we feeling put upon, hemmed in or herded around by the experience of traveling, the waits, the lines, the delayed schedules and traffic jams?  If we do, feelings of frustration, anger and hostility may be rising to the surface.  These are feelings that need to be accepted and then released and forgiven.  Sometimes these feelings flare up so quickly because we are re-experiencing feelings of victimization or being out of control that come from events in our childhood.  If you find yourself getting upset while you travel, do some thinking about what situations in your past felt similar to your current situation and then do a little forgiveness work on whatever comes up.

Insecurities   Being in new places and situations can sometimes be stressful and even a little frightening.  Even being in old familiar situations can be upsetting if we are feeling worried about how we will be perceived or accepted.  I found myself falling into this trap.  I worried that the shoes I had brought to wear were not right for the wedding so I went out and bought a new pair.  Moments after I paid for them, my back went into spasm and I had to spend the next three days in discomfort and moving with difficulty.  When something like this happens, take a moment to reflect on its meaning in your life.  As I looked at my feelings about seeing old friends, I realized that I was worried about how I would be accepted.  We may be tempted to dismiss the importance of our feelings because we believe them to be irrational, and yet, if we are feeling them, they are important.  Whatever happens in our world is always created in the mind first before it out-pictures into our lives.  I realized that my insecurities had triggered the episode with my back.  This gave me the opportunity to look into my mind and forgive myself for the fears that lurk there.

Getting Buttons Pushed   Of course, our biggest forgiveness work usually has to be done on the person that we spend the most time with.  On this trip my husband was doing the driving while I was doing the navigating with the GPS on my ipad.  It always feels to me that he is not listening to my instructions.  This pushes my buttons and I had to do a little forgiveness work on him for it.  One of the ways I forgive him is to see the situation from his point of view.  I'm sure that from his standpoint it feels like I am nagging him.  Plus I appreciate that it is difficult to drive in new places while dealing with heavy traffic, busy freeways and lots of confusion and stimulation.  It probably simply takes him a few moments to process the instructions I am giving him while he attempts to deal with all of this at once.

As I start to recognize my husband's feelings and his humanity, I am ultimately recognizing his truth.  He is just as much a creation of the Divine as I am.  When I acknowledge that, he is forgiven, and I am also forgiving myself.  After all, his truth is my truth.  We are both perfect spiritual beings.

Growth Opportunities   Remember that we can choose to see everything that comes up in our lives as an opportunity to forgive.   The more we forgive, the more we purify and grow on our pathway to love and peace.

"All events are neutral. They merely provide you with a chance to choose love."

As a student of A Course in Miracles, I like to look at life here as a classroom and I try to use those times in my life when I feel hurt or angry as opportunities to learn and grow.  

"What if you merely chose the "insane" way, according to the world, of looking at one who has just done that act as a brother or sister who is crying out for help and healing?  What if you chose to look upon them as one who does not know how to live in this world without being of this world, who does not know the way to self-forgiveness, who does not know the truth of the Light that lives within them, and who does not recognize their great power to create whatever they want in a way that is not hurtful to anyone?  What if you chose to look upon them with compassion rather than reactivity?"--Way of Master p. 30

When something brings me pain, I try to realize that I have drawn this event toward me so that I can learn and grow from it.  It is in the act of forgiveness and acceptance that I become more magnificent.  My forgiveness opportunities are really the gems of my life.  They are my gifts to myself because in each one I can choose to become smaller and less effective in my world, or I can choose to open myself up to the reality of my truth as a glorious and powerful source of love and healing in this world.

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