Forgiveness and Travel

I just got back from a short trip for a friend's daughter's wedding.  In looking back over my trip I see that there were a few forgiveness opportunities given to me and I'd like to share my thoughts with you about them.

Judging   Traveling provides us with ample opportunities to observe ourselves in judgment.  Airports, big cities and crowds of all sorts are full of every kind of person imaginable.  Observing our thoughts and judgments as we watch the crowds around us allows us to see our judgment habits in action.  Are we looking critically at people's appearances and behavior?

I confess that I love clothes and it's something that's just been a part of me since I was a little child.  I often find myself thinking, "Oh, isn't that person beautifully dressed", or "Yikes!  What is that person thinking, wearing that in public?"  It's a bad habit I have always had and I need to rid myself of it.  As our forgiveness lifestyle grows, we should be starting to see humanity with love and in appreciation of the equality and oneness that is an inherent part of each person's higher self.  I know that I need to let go of my attachment to beauty and my difficulty in accepting things that are not beautiful. I'm much better than I used to be at this and I am grateful for my progress, but this is an area I must grow more in.

People do the craziest things and once we observe odd or difficult behavior, we must find forgiveness for it.  While relaxing by the pool at our hotel on one of our travel days, I watched a woman sit minding her children swim while dangling her feet in the pool.  She actually pulled out a pair of toenail nippers and began to give herself a manicure and pedicure flicking all the bits of nail and skin into the pool water!  Yes, she did!!!  It's a little hard not to judge something like that when you see it, and yes I did judge it, but I have now performed one of my forgiveness processes on her.

Feeling Victimized   Traveling can be so trying at times, that it can easily throw us into victim-mode.  Are we feeling put upon, hemmed in or herded around by the experience of traveling, the waits, the lines, the delayed schedules and traffic jams?  If we do, feelings of frustration, anger and hostility may be rising to the surface.  These are feelings that need to be accepted and then released and forgiven.  Sometimes these feelings flare up so quickly because we are re-experiencing feelings of victimization or being out of control that come from events in our childhood.  If you find yourself getting upset while you travel, do some thinking about what situations in your past felt similar to your current situation and then do a little forgiveness work on whatever comes up.

Insecurities   Being in new places and situations can sometimes be stressful and even a little frightening.  Even being in old familiar situations can be upsetting if we are feeling worried about how we will be perceived or accepted.  I found myself falling into this trap.  I worried that the shoes I had brought to wear were not right for the wedding so I went out and bought a new pair.  Moments after I paid for them, my back went into spasm and I had to spend the next three days in discomfort and moving with difficulty.  When something like this happens, take a moment to reflect on its meaning in your life.  As I looked at my feelings about seeing old friends, I realized that I was worried about how I would be accepted.  We may be tempted to dismiss the importance of our feelings because we believe them to be irrational, and yet, if we are feeling them, they are important.  Whatever happens in our world is always created in the mind first before it out-pictures into our lives.  I realized that my insecurities had triggered the episode with my back.  This gave me the opportunity to look into my mind and forgive myself for the fears that lurk there.

Getting Buttons Pushed   Of course, our biggest forgiveness work usually has to be done on the person that we spend the most time with.  On this trip my husband was doing the driving while I was doing the navigating with the GPS on my ipad.  It always feels to me that he is not listening to my instructions.  This pushes my buttons and I had to do a little forgiveness work on him for it.  One of the ways I forgive him is to see the situation from his point of view.  I'm sure that from his standpoint it feels like I am nagging him.  Plus I appreciate that it is difficult to drive in new places while dealing with heavy traffic, busy freeways and lots of confusion and stimulation.  It probably simply takes him a few moments to process the instructions I am giving him while he attempts to deal with all of this at once.

As I start to recognize my husband's feelings and his humanity, I am ultimately recognizing his truth.  He is just as much a creation of the Divine as I am.  When I acknowledge that, he is forgiven, and I am also forgiving myself.  After all, his truth is my truth.  We are both perfect spiritual beings.

Growth Opportunities   Remember that we can choose to see everything that comes up in our lives as an opportunity to forgive.   The more we forgive, the more we purify and grow on our pathway to love and peace.

Repeat Offenders

Many of us have someone in our regular everyday lives that repeatedly presses our buttons.  For some of us, this person annoys or triggers irritation in us just about every time we see them.

What do we do about this?

We forgive them every time this happens.  Yes, every single time.  Even if that means that we are forgiving the same person over and over each day.

It is very important to keep our forgiveness current, because when we go about our day with an un-forgiveness, we have switched ourselves out of a state of love and into a state of fear-based thinking.  Our day will then be filled with further problems and upsets until we get ourselves back into a state of alignment through our forgiveness.

It's also a good idea to review each day before going to bed at night and forgive this person once again before sleep. This will help to keep our dreams free of further disturbance and entanglement with them.

Some people are just difficult for us.   I've mentioned before that we come into this life with forgiveness challenges.  Life is a classroom and we have particular lessons to learn.  Some of us are given certain people that we need to learn to forgive.  It's part of our growth and purification process.  That means that we might find ourselves married to a spouse that irritates us frequently, or we might have a boss or an employee that is a constant challenge for us.  Perhaps one of our children is difficult for us to deal with.

Rather than letting this situation unduly frustrate or upset us, it's important to view it as what it is, a forgiveness opportunity.  This person is in our lives giving us the chance to grow and learn.

It's also important to take a good long deep hard look at why we feel annoyed with this person.  Chances are this person is mirroring back to us something we don't like about ourselves.  Look at what it is that makes this person difficult for you.  Are they too critical, short-tempered, easily frustrated, quick to lose control?  Whatever it is, you will probably find a little of that same characteristic in your own make-up.  As part of your forgiveness work, you'll need to go deeper in developing a more realistic understanding of this aspect of yourself and releasing and forgiving it in your own psyche as you work to forgive it in theirs.

Now, here's the good news.  Over time as you forgive this person again and again, you will find yourself becoming less frequently annoyed by them.  Part of this is because as your forgiveness washes over them, they will actually begin to lesson up on the annoying behavior.  Additionally, as you work on releasing this aspect of your own mind, you will feel less and less activated by their behavior.  This might be a slow process and take weeks, months and even years to resolve completely.  However, keep at it and you'll find that your life steadily improves as you do this work.

Remember, we're all here to see the truth about the world.  And that truth is that we are all really only LOVE, that we are One and that each and every one of us is the same.  We are going to have to figure out how to live this belief one way or another.  Be in a state of gratitude that this irritating person is in your life, showing you the way to Truth.  You have an easy everyday assignment that will get you there.  Just forgive this one person that annoys you over and over, every day.  Bless them and show them love through your forgiveness and bring on a happier state of mind for both of you.

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The Man in the Mirror

We judge the most that which reflects back to us the worst parts of ourselves.  When someone is really and truly irritating us, most often it is because we are irritated with parts of our own self that we dislike.

In order to grow, sometimes we have to look deep within at that which we don't want to see.

I am easily upset by people that get angry quickly at little things in life.  Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than sitting in a car with someone who is raging away at all the bad drivers of the world. I hate rages, upsets and rants.  I want everyone to behave like my father who would calmly and quietly steer the car clear of any road insanity or simply wait patiently for whatever difficulties were happening on the road to clear up.  Even in a sudden emergency, he would simply react, jerking the steering wheel or braking suddenly as needed but with little or no comment or judgment.  This is the behavior I crave.   

And yet, I see that the trait of impatience and anger resides deep within me.  

Of course, it used to be much stronger.  My years of forgiveness work have taken me to a place where I am usually calm in most situations.  However, I am perfectly capable of feeling a "disturbance in the force" under the right circumstances.  Or should I say wrong circumstances?  

When I feel angry that I am trapped in a car with someone who is angry at everyone else, aren't I just judging the angry person for being exactly what I am--angry?

When I become aware of something like this, I know it is time for me to do a little looking in the mirror.  Where is my anger coming from?  Have there been times in my past when I have felt frustrated or impatient with life and unable to move forward?  That is often the feeling we have when we are driving behind slow drivers or drivers that seem confused or unable to decide where they are going.  

Or, when in my past have I felt victimized or put upon?  When have I felt that my possible moves were being controlled or blocked by others? 

As Colin Tipping likes to say, "If you spot it, you got it".   Because our lives out-picture the contents of our mind, when we see something unpleasant in our world, it's time to ask ourselves the question, "Where in my thinking, did I bring this into my world?"

When we discover our own negative and fearful thoughts, it is time to do a little forgiveness work.

We can start right in front of us by forgiving whatever appeared in our own lives today that triggered all this introspection.  Then we can forgive whatever we find deep in our psyche that is our own version of negativity and fear related to today's events.  Finally, we can ask ourselves the question, "When did this kind of thinking first show up in my life?"  And, "At what other times has it surfaced?"  We can then forgive the people and circumstances involved in these earlier versions of today's issue.  If we are able to pinpoint it's source in our lives, this is the very best place to focus our forgiveness.  

Watching what we judge and doing this kind of forgiveness work around the things that press our buttons is a very effective way to clean and purify our minds.  In just a short time, we can come a long way toward releasing a great deal of fear and negativity.

Surprisingly, this work can be very pleasurable.  First, because it helps you feel so much better.  But secondly, because the sleuthing into our minds and our pasts is intriguing.  After all, what's more interesting than ourselves?  

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Why is this Bugging Me?

"Therefore, in truth, understand well.  Forgiveness is essential.  What has not been forgiven in others, has not been forgiven in you.  But not by a God who sits outside of you, for He never judges.  What you have not forgiven in another or in the world is but a reflection of what you carry within as a burden that you cannot forgive of yourself."  --The Way of Mastery p.26

The next time you find yourself irritated with someone, ask yourself "Why is this bugging me?"  We are almost always most activated by those aspects we dislike in our own character.   Examining our irritations with others is a great way to learn what we need to forgive about ourselves.

For example, I hate a bossy know-it-all.  This is because these are repressed characteristics of my own personality.  I am always struggling to keep them at bay in my self and when I see someone who has let them loose, it just really irritates me!

Forgiveness is a chance to take a good long look in the mirror.  As Colin Tipping likes to say, "If you spot it, you got it!"

Sometimes it's hard to recognize yourself in another's abhorrent behavior.  Keep looking and you'll find yourself there.  It's not always obvious. You might say, "I am upset at a man who murdered his wife, but I'm not a murderer".  Yes, but do you ever have murderous thoughts?  Do you ever wish that someone who annoys you would just be gone?

I am learning to bring these "unattractive" elements of myself to the light of forgiveness.  I can only love others when I am capable of truly loving myself and loving myself means that I love and accept all parts of me.

In The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Debbie Ford recommends that we not only forgive our most unattractive characteristics but that we actually learn to accept and even celebrate them.  They can become our strengths.

For example,  my tendency towards bossy know-it-all-ness is the same characteristic which enables me to be a good teacher.  Yes, I have to reign it in and keep it under control, but if I wasn't such a bossy know-it-all, I would never have the courage and confidence to teach.  It's when I enfold my bossy know-it-all-ness in love that I am at my very best.

The universe serves us up the lessons we need the most on a platter.  It seems that everywhere I look there is another bossy know-it-all.  This is because this is a lesson I need to repeat often.  Importantly, as I forgive the bossy know-it-alls in my world, I forgive this same characteristic in myself.  And the more I forgive myself, the more I come to peace.  

Who is Irritating You Today?

Make it a practice to search your mind each day to discover all the people you feel annoyed or upset with.  Don't miss anyone.  This is important. 

Maybe a stranger cut you off in traffic on your way to work this morning.  Perhaps you stopped in for coffee and some pushy lady gave you a good jostle without saying sorry.  Was your spouse in a grouchy mood?  Did your children leave a mess in their rooms?  Do you have a client who is not returning phone calls?  Is a co-worker talking too much and wasting your time?  Maybe a friend is calling on the phone to whine about her relationship with her boyfriend, once again.

   

Gather all these people up in your mind and, one by one, forgive them all.  It only takes a minute or so for each person.  Just get it done!  If you can't do it right now, be sure you do it before the day is over.  In fact, the best time might just be as you crawl in bed tonight.  Forgive every one of the day's offenders and sleep peacefully.

If you create a habit of forgiving everyone, everyday, your life will change. 

Here's a quick and easy forgiveness practice you can use.  Picture each person you want to forgive individually and say: 

You are Spirit

Whole and Innocent

I Forgive You, I Release You

I Bless You With Love

 

You may have to repeat this a few times, but stay very sincere.  Really think about what these words mean.  When you say "You are spirit", know that each person is a beloved Son of God, made exactly in his own image.  And when you say the words "I bless you with love", visualize yourself gifting this person with as much love as you can. 

 

If you find that you are simply too deeply angry to forgive one or more of these people, you may need some hard-core forgiveness practices.  No worries, tools for handling the people and situations that really, really press our buttons can be found in my book, "Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness".

 

 

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