Saturday, December 14, 2013

Forgive Your Family for Christmas

What could be a more beautiful gift than to free our families from old angers and hurts?  This is something we can do quietly on our own.  We don't need to have any "deep" one-on-one conversations or unpleasant family dramas to do this.  We can simply go inside, into our own mind where all the "real" stuff happens. 

Our own individual act of forgiveness will begin to change our personal relationships with each of our family members, and it might even change the overall family dynamics, too.  More importantly, whether or not our family changes dramatically, we will have a new perspective, one that is more loving and accepting.  We will be more peaceful and happier than before.

Because we have spent so many years with our families, feeling irritated, annoyed, hurt and even possibly abused by them, the wounds relating to our families run deep.  Even people who have relatively easy family relationships will have much to forgive when they really start to dig honestly into their pasts. 

Let's start by looking at our own beliefs.  If we experience feelings like these below (and everybody does), we can be almost certain that we will find their roots in our early childhood years with our family:

  • I'm not worthy
  • I always get abandoned
  • Nobody likes me
  • I always get what's leftover
  • Everybody ignores me
  • I'm not good enough
  • I get rejected
  • I'm not loveable
  • What I feel does not matter
  • Nobody listens to me
  • They only like me when I'm good (or smart, or funny, or pretty, or whatever)

Go ahead and look at this list and decide which beliefs apply to your life.  Now set aside a little quiet time to spend with each of these thoughts.   Think back to your childhood and try to remember times when you felt these beliefs intensely.  What was happening?  Who was involved?  Now try to remember the very first time you experienced any of these beliefs.  Remembering the very first incident is a wonderful thing because it gives you a specific moment in time and specific people to forgive. 

Now its time for a little forgiveness work.  In "Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness", I recommend lots of different forgiveness processes.  I find that each processes works best for different types of forgiveness issues.  For deep family stuff, one process I like to use involves Colin Tipping's Radical Forgiveness forms.  You can get these at under "Free Stuff".  You have to register for the site, but it is well worth it.

The old pain and hurt we associate with our family took years to build up and develop, so don't expect to be able to root it all out over-night.  This is a process and it will take time.  However, you can accomplish miracles if you just get started on it.  Whatever you do before Christmas, even if it is only a small dent, will help you make it through the holidays with more peace in your mind and love in your heart. 

Forgiveness is really a lifestyle and it is something that happens over months and years of looking deep within to find acceptance for all the people and everything that occurred in our past.  A lifestyle of forgiveness creates a happy life.  Don't waste time living without peace.  Give yourself the best Christmas gift ever and get started on forgiveness now!
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